


A shift in the universe

by Istilldontcareaboutmyname



Series: The Naruto universe does the Cha Cha Slide [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: "Dad's weird and so am I" Sai, "Keep away from my family" Kakashi, "Tries to be like Mom" Iruka, Actually just eight, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Came for dinner and never left Anko, Cute Kids, Done with it Tenzou, F/M, Family Feels, Fix-It of Sorts, Hinata the BAMF, Hinata's Trolling partner Shin, Horus becomes the Divine Intervention parent, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Introducing, Lucifer is the Mother of All Headaches, M/M, Mpreg, Naruto "I'll charm my way into your life and into your wallet" Uzumaki, Not Canon Compliant, Out of Character, Rape/Non-con Elements, Shikamaru is in for it, Smart Uzumaki Naruto, Time Skips, Who channels her new mom a tab bit too much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2020-10-04 01:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 34,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20462618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Istilldontcareaboutmyname/pseuds/Istilldontcareaboutmyname
Summary: Naruto walks into a pub and gets adopted, starting a wave of other adoptions. Get ready for family feels, cause Luca and Alex are making people happy. Lucifer returns, and raises some of the strongest shinobi the Elemental Nations have ever seen.





	1. Uzumaki Naruto, pt 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lucifer and Horus from "She's all that" show up in the Naruto-verse, and start changing it. It's not a dialogue heavy work that has many time skips in it, and sometimes the perspective also changes. I copied the "temple school" idea fom ideaoforder's "Roots and wings", a work that needs more recognition.

A toddler Jinchuuriki walked into a pub alone, and never left. He was followed by other misfits, all of them forming a misshapen family. And Horus and Lucifer rebuilt their lost family.

* * *

The first one to start the wave of adoptions was of course, the two-year-old Naruto, who one day decided it was time to leave. He left the orphanage one bright, sunny day, and no one stopped him. He wondered around the streets of Konoha, people giving him a wide berth as he toddled around, looking around with wide eyes. He was undisturbed by the stares and whispers, until it started to rain. He ran into a building, only to collide with a woman.

“Hey there kid, where are your parents?” He cringed away from the hands coming to grab his shoulders and shook his head no. He was pulled into deeper into the building, into the warmth.

“Do you have a name, then?” She had purple eyes and a kind smile.

“Naruto.” She sat him down into a comfy chair, then turned to yell at a man called Alex to come down there.

“It's a pleasure meeting you, Naruto. My name is Luca.” She extended him a hand to shake. Another man appeared in the room they were in, and Naruto was amazed. “And the tall one over here is Alex.” Said man waved at him, and crouched down. He had glowing eyes that were almost the same colour as his hair.

“Hey there, little man. Are you hungry?”

And that is how the Jinchuuriki gained a new family. Just like this, thanks to the appearance of Lucifer and Horus in that dimension, Naruto grew up very different from any other version of his.

* * *

It was two months after that faithful afternoon that Naruto first sees Luca cry. They are at the park, and he sees kids call ladies like her Mom, so he decides that is what kind ladies who take care of him should be called. And promptly turns to her, determination radiating from his small features, and calls her the same. She freezes, and for a moment he thinks he is in trouble, until there are arms around him, pulling him close to her. She is smiling at him, tears in her eyes, and he pats at her face, curious. 

“It's okay, baby. They are only tears of happiness. Because I love you so much.” And his mother kisses his cheek.

Calling the tall man Dad comes naturally after that. And after that, his earliest memories are made up from his fathers laugh and golden eyes, and riding on his shoulders when they were out in the town, and his mothers smile and warmth, and the way her eyes turned to blue when they did something mischievous. They were happy.

* * *

He is four and it's winter when he finds a crying girl in the streets. She has big opal eyes and a red scarf, and he likes her. He yells for his father, and they bring her home, to warmth, so mom can have another daughter.

She accepts Hinata with open arms, and makes them hot chocolate while his dad warms them up. The hot chocolate has little marshmallows in it, and it smells of caramel. He watches Hinata as she looks at his mother, awed, as she twirls around them, curly hair floating behind her.

There is a knock on the door, and his mother goes to answer. They can hear yelling, and Hinata tries to hide behind his father, saying something about her family coming after her. His mother returns with glowing blue eyes and hair a mix of pinks and purples, faint scars crisscrossing across her face.

“When we take you home, Flower, I am going to have some strong words with your father. And you are welcome here anytime you want to be out of there.” She places her hands on the little girl's shoulders, and Hinata nods, tears falling from her eyes. 

They make lunch together, and when they sit down, all of them, Hinata is awed at how many powerful ninja there are in the family. And they all listen to Mom as she orders them around. When they finally take her home, Naruto and Dad also come with them, and Dad even lets her ride on his shoulder.

They get to the Hyuuga compound almost too soon, and there are guards waiting for them. They only want Hinata, not letting the rest talk to the head of the family. Mom's eyes turn blue again, and she walks past the guards with an air of authority she did not possess before and kicks the gate open.

“That's my wife.” Shrugs Dad, and they follow the curly-haired woman up to the head of the family, who looks scared of her. She bullies the Hyuuga clan head into letting his elder daughter spend as much time with them as she likes. And so, Luca gains another daughter.

* * *

He is almost five and ready to start temple school when his parents sit him down and tell him the truth.

“They were raised by scared people, Sunshine, so they will fear you. They will think of you as a monster without knowing why. There will be people who will only see you for something you clearly are not, so it's your job to prove them wrong.” And they tell him everything. About an angry fox with nine tails and a couple made up from a man with sky blue eyes and easy smile and a woman with hair as red as her temper. That the couple loved the village so much, they sacrificed themselves for it.

He asks if they could visit the fox, because maybe it's lonely like he was, and they could make him better. His dad laughs at him, and his mother smiles at him, and of course they can try that.

Later that night, when they have tucked him into bed, he asks them in a small voice that “is he bad for not regretting the death of his original parents?” His mom is hugging him to death in the next moment, and his dad is there to peel her off him just as fast.

The next day, with his mom's eyes glowing blue and with his dad's warm aura around them, they sink into the depth of his mind. The fox was angry, but his mother was scarier, and eventually, they managed to make him listen.

* * *

He was six when he needed to be strong for his parents because Iruka-nii needed help and protection. From the Council itself. And Kurama was telling him that his brother smelled of kit, and there was a blonde lady who came back with his mother and Shikamaru's dad.

All of them stayed huddled together in the living room, waiting. He vows then that he'll protect his family from every danger he could from then on.

* * *

He is eight when he hears it one evening. His mother crying. He strained his hearing, trying to slow his breathing, and heard her mutter about dead children.

In the morning, his parents sit the younger ones down and told them about the massacre of the Uchiha clan. His classmate, a couple who were not in the village that night, and two other kids remained alive, not counting the brother who murdered them all.

He vows again, to hunt down that man who had made his mother cry fro sadness. Kurama laughs at his words, but it sounds hollow, lacking his usual malice.


	2. Umino Iruka, pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention it in the first chapter, but I changed some ages in this story. Kakashi was ten when the Kyuubi attacked, Iruka eight, Yamato also eight and Anko was nine. I took some liberties with Shin and made him three years older than Sai, Naruto and Hinata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vague mentions of rape and abortion. I can't believe I wrote this.

The second kid they take in, is surprisingly Umino Iruka. He is ten, and they only had Naruto for a couple of months, when Alex comes home with a skinny little boy who tried to vandalize one of the other buildings on their street.

He has almost nothing to his name, and these people seem nice, but they also have the freak that was to blame for his parent's death. Luca sat him down then, telling him the truth about them. They were killers who were trying to make up for past sins, but they knew they couldn't really do it. She is soft and calls him _poppet_, and he is warm and like sunshine incarnate, just like the Uzumaki kid.

So he stays, and he doesn't regret it.

* * *

They teach him to fight like they do, quick, powerful and deadly, and he takes to following his mother. He soaks up how she's soft but dangerous at the same time and loves every moment spent with her.

They cry when he makes gennin and chuunin, and he is happy with them, especially when they all are together, a patchwork made up from broken people.

* * *

He is fourteen and on the verge of becoming a jounin when he really breaks.

He is sent on a long time mission where details will be shared when he gets to the Land of Tea. His mother pulls him close, murmuring something in a strange language. Later, he would find out it was a prayer in Latin for protection. His mission is seduction, and he ends up being raped multiple times during the two months the mission lasts.

The minute they get back to the village, he's carted away to the hospital where they discover he has a Bloodline Limit he did not know about, and the council wants him to do nothing about it, because they wanted to see what would happen. His parents are there, yelling at everyone who was opposed to abortion.

So they took him home, and the rest was a blur. He remembers warm water cascading down on him, and his mother's hands on his, and her telling him to put that blade down. Then there was the moment of clarity when he was hurling things at the wall in his room. Arms stopped him, and a mop of silver hair appeared in his blurry vision.

“Stop it, Iruka.” Anko was speaking in the background, but he couldn't really focus. He collapsed into Kakashi's hold, I am broken and I don't want a child running through his head.

His parents were gone for a few minutes, then they returned with a blonde woman who had soft hands and warm eyes and she's going to help you, poppet. His mother holds him close, and yes, the blonde woman did help him, and his world started to slowly slide back into its original place.

His mother remained near him for a long while afterwards, telling him stories about the Before. When they were his age or younger, and funny stories about their funnier missions. The kids were as supportive as they could be. They drew him pictures and told him stories, and he was so glad for them, and he hoped that they would not follow his footsteps.

That's when he decided that he'd become a teacher instead of a Jounin, to protect them as long as he could.

He doesn't learn about the tragedy that has fallen onto the Land of Tea until much later. A blue-eyed monster attacked the area he had the mission in, killing almost everyone responsible and other people suspected for dark activities at the same time unimaginable bad luck hit them. Like the gods have turned their back to them. He holds his mother closer than before and lets his dad ruffle his hair without fighting. He feels safe with them.

* * *

It took him a couple of months to become fully functional again, and after a year, he was on track to become a teacher. His family was there with him, and he was often chocked up with the fact that he was so lucky to have them.

* * *

He is eighteen when he finally becomes a fully-fledged teacher, and he is so happy. His siblings and adoptive-cousins are beaming at him from the rows in the classroom, and during lunch-break, his mother shows up with lunch bags packed for every single kid that was welcomed into her home.

He finally feels safe at last.


	3. Hatake Kakashi, pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the months roll by, they continue growing. And we get a shot of protective Luca.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no fricking clue when Kakashi's confrontation with Orochimaru is, so I took some artistic liberties. And I might have made his backstory even more traumatic by de-aging him.  
Also, Asian Buttercups bloom from May to June if planted in February and from June to July is planted in April. And according to Wikipedia "Siese" means "son of Isis".

It is after a few months after they take Iruka in. Luca is out shopping with Naruto when they both sense someone following them.

“Mommy, smell like...” And he trails off, chubby hand clutching the hem of his mother's kimono.

“Blood, sunshine. That smell is blood.” His mother crouches down next to him, ruffling his hair. “It's because they have an ouchie. We're going to take them home, so mommy and daddy can take care of them. Just like we did with you. Okay?”

“Okay.” And he nods with all the seriousness he can muster up, making his mother's smile grow even bigger. “Can we get dango?”

“Sure, sugar. And maybe some crepes for daddy too.” She stands up, taking his hand into hers and they set off into the busy streets, their shadow still tailing them. Father meets them in the street, kissing mother and taking away their purchases. Naruto shares everything they'd seen as they walk back into the pub, Luca remaining behind.

The shadow watches her curiously as she looks around, searching for something. There are black spots dancing around his vision, but he can't give in to them just yet. He takes a moment to steady himself, and she is gone from his sight. There is a presence behind him, and fabric swishing. He tries to turn around, but hands on shoulders stop him, and a voice is telling him it's okay. His world fades to black, as he falls into a strange embrace.

* * *

He wakes to the sound of muffled laughter and music in a bed and room that does not belong to him. His wounds are partially healed and bandaged, but he still feels weak when he tries to stand up. His gear is in an armchair that looks too comfy to be used by him and pulls out a kunai from his pouch.

It feels like ages until he gets down the stairs, and has to take multiple stops just to catch his breath. He can make out the words the song now, the singer talking about a 'handmade heaven' and the freedom of birds. He peers into the kitchen only to be greeted by a laughing blond-haired toddler and scarred kid as they watch the adults spin around, dancing to the music. His sensei's child is right there in front of him, with an unknown couple taking care of him, and he feels like he failed.

The man picks the woman up, holding her close as she throws her hands up and laughs. He puts her down after a while, and she pulls him down for a small kiss, the kids making gagging noises at them. That's when he decides to step out into the open doorway, getting the attention of the occupants. They turn towards him, a brilliant smile on the woman's face.

“I'm so happy you're awake, Kakashi-kun!”

* * *

He feels bewildered as he watches the family flow around him like he wasn't someone who was a complete stranger. Cereal is shoved into his hands then roughly pulled out when Naruto gets inpatient, he manages to grab a handful of fruit before Iruka snatches them away from him, and the father just poured him juice like it was their everyday routine.

He is in the middle of a home-made pastry when there is a crash, and his mother is holding Guy and an Anbu by their throats. There was plaster dust floating around the air, and he could see their shapes indented into the wall.

“What do you want of my sons?” She ground out, small electric shocks running around her skin. He almost drops his pastry, mouth agape under his mask.

“The Hokage requested Hatake-san for another mission.”

“No. He's recovering from injuries from his previous mission. Give him a week and we'll let him go on more missions.”

“But you're not a doctor...” There was a spear in his face, the father also joining the mother. He was faintly glowing gold, and the room was suddenly flooded with warmth.

“No. She's not a doctor. But I am, and I also don't approve of sending one of my boys on a mission so soon. Now, get out before I let the missus knock you around.” He pulled back his spear, pointing in the direction of the front door. “And you, I suggest you come back another time.” He was addressing Guy now, who looked ready to merge with the wall. The woman let them go, while the man moved to stand with the kids, the warmth around them growing even stronger.

“You heard him, didn't you? Go, before I'll make you.” There was something off about her. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was until the two unwelcome ninjas didn't move fast enough. Fear became overwhelming, even though the warmth was trying hard to keep it away. Kakashi felt it grip his soul so strongly, he couldn't breathe. “Go.” Her voice sounded distorted, and the addressed ran for their lives. The strange aura remained around them until Naruto started sobbing. Then it broke, and the woman was fussing around the children.

“Luca...” So that was her name. She was holding Naruto in her arms when the man approached them, palms up, like approaching a feral cat. “I'll boost up the wards around the house, you take care of the kids. Okay?” His hands were on her face, pushing their foreheads together. She nodded, tears running down her cheeks. “Good. And tell him, Luca. He deserves to know who were his protectors.”

“Alex...” They had strange names.

“We'll protect them. No matter what.” He left them there, slipping his shirt as he moved out. He was covered in tattoos, pictures and some strange letters circling around him. Luca sighed, turning towards them.

“Now, Kakashi-kun, would you mind watching the others while I cleaned this up?” He nodded, moving to take the toddler out of her arms. Iruka motioned to follow him when he looked around, a little lost. They moved out to a living room, full of toys, books and other random stuff.

They sat down, Naruto reaching forward to a pile of blocks. Iruka started reading a book, while Kakashi was left to play with the now calm toddler. Naruto is babbling at him excitedly, and he was nodding along, helping him build a miniature version of Konoha.

“You no smell of blood. No more ouchie?”His eyes were solemn, tongue peeking out of his mouth as he concentrated on making the Hokage tower perfect.

“No, I still have an ouchie. But your Mummy and Daddy helped me get better.” The kid stopped, dropping the block in his hands and crawling over to him. He stood up in front of him, jabbing a pudgy little finger into his chest.

“No. You hurt, they take you in. Your Mommy and Daddy now too.” He started stammering, trying to pull back from the toddler staring him down.

“Don't bother arguing with him Hatake. Mom called you one of us anyway.” Pipped up the older boy from behind his book.

“Sod off...”

“Umino Iruka. A brand new middle child, as it seems.” He was raising his arm to hit Umino with a block when he felt a presence behind him.

“We don't use that language under our roof, Kakashi. Unless you are old enough or we gave you permission.” Shit. So this is how being caught by your mother feels like. “Understood, boys?”

“Yes, Mom.” They both brawled out, while Naruto walked over to her, reaching up to her to be picked up. “Now boys, I have something to tell you. Poppet, we've already talked about this, but with fewer details. Alright?” She sat down on the sofa, giving Naruto a colouring book and a box of crayons. “I usually hated interruptions when I was giving these kinds of speeches, so be patient with me. But if you have questions, feel free to stop me and ask me them.” And she told them. About the experiments and the missions and Mirage. About the death of their families and their teammates when they decided to rebel. The deaths that they could not prevent.

* * *

“You okay, champ?” He turned around, looking up at Alex.

“Do you expect me to believe all that crap she told me?” Alex chuckled, the sound deep and rumbling, like thunder.

“It's your choice whether you believe us or not. Just like it is your choice if you want to stay with us or not. I've already included you into the wards, so you can come back whenever you want to.” They stood in one of the windows facing the backyard, watching Luca play with the other two kids. “Frankly, I believe you should stay with us. You're only twelve and you've already faced so much trauma, I wonder how you are still functional. You need help, and Luca is one of the best psychologists I've seen out there. And she does not report to the Hokage.”

“I don't need your help. I was fine before you took me in.”

“Oh, really?” He feels compelled to look into the older man's eyes. Golden orbs meet his grey, and he is suddenly looking at a blazing giant with a head of a falcon on his shoulders. There is sand under his bare feet and the sun is scorching against his exposed skin. “I don't believe you, son. And you can't fight the divine on this.” And just like that, everything is back to normal.

“How did you do that?!”

“I used to be worshipped back home. Mere tricks like this are nothing for me. Now, let's join your mother and siblings, son.” Kakashi follows this strange man down to the yard, even though every fibre of him is telling him to drop everything and run, and that he shouldn't be there. Iruka is playing with a dog that he didn't remember seeing before, and Luca was dancing with Naruto in her arms to something only they could hear.

“Hey there Darling, Buttercup.” She turned towards them, the blooming buttercups behind them elevating everything to the picture of perfect familial bliss. He decided that he'd stay with them.

* * *

He's been with them for six months now. He turned thirteen with them, he has his first fight with the older Jounins because of them. Sarutobi makes a lewd comment about his mother, and he can't really hold himself back from hitting him. It becomes something all the siblings agree upon. If someone disrespects their mother, no matter what they are doing or how close those people are, they were going to pay. That's how they ended up chasing Jiraya out of the village. They were a strange family. They were like a patchwork quilt, full of things that usually didn't really fit together. Iruka and he started developing some semblance of a sibling relationship, fighting and making up like he'd seen other siblings do. He started feeling like the adults were really his parents, and Naruto was just a joy to be around with. He liked living with them.

He meets the blank-faced Kinoe and realizes he needs help. Danzo approaches him to join Root, and he says 'yes' without thinking about it. When he tells his parents, and he has to duck from the vase his mother chucks at the wall behind him. There's a tail swishing behind her, and his father's eye glow even brighter than before.

“We are going to take care of this. We're going to make everything better.” So they sit down and plan. Father suggests bringing Kinoe around, so he can include him into the wards, so he can talk about what is really going on. Then, Kakashi and Luca would enter the base and start the takeover. And if they found others who needed their help, they'd take them in. So he does it.

He strikes up a friendship with Kinoe, knowing full well that he is going to be one of his siblings, and eventually manages to invite him over. To the sight of his father running around with his mother slung over his shoulder, yelling about how he had kidnapped the princess to the laughing Naruto and Iruka, who was currently the three-year old's horse. Iruka froze in front of them, Naruto hitting him on the head to go faster.

“Oh, Kakashi-nii! Didn't see you there.”

His father returned to the entryway, Luca still over his shoulder.

“Oh, hi son! I see you brought a friend over. I'm Siese Alex, and the princess over here is my wife, Luca.” He turned around, so his giggling mother was facing them. “Say hi, Darling!” He watched her, brown curls falling out of her bun and robe falling open, showing her shirt underneath. Her cheeks were red and her violet eyes were twinkling with amusement.

“Hi Buttercup, his friend!” He let out a groan, embarrassed by his family and his nickname. Kinoe bowed, eyes showing his confusion from the strangeness he was seeing. “Put me down, Feathers.” His dad had to almost kneel down so her feet could reach the ground. She straightened up, fixing her kimono robe and pushing her hair out of her face, then pulled Iruka closer to her. “And these two are my other two sons, Iruka and Naruto.” They both waved at them, Iruka adjusting Naruto's grip on his hair.

“I'm Kinoe. It's a pleasure meeting you all!” He bowed, only to be swept up in a hug by his mother.

“Welcome, Kinoe! I hope you are hungry. We were waiting with dinner for Kakashi-kun to come home.” So they moved in deeper into the house, into the dining room. His father didn't stay with them long, citing the open bar for his absence. He was adding Kinoe to the wards.

That evening was a success, and Kinoe started his integration into the family. And Kakashi was getting jealous of him. He'd watch him bond with his mother over his hair, as she told him stories while she was braiding his hair. How he'd help his father with gardening. And he felt like they were being robbed from him. He only wanted them for their little family. For only them to see their mother, sleepy and hair all over the place, cuddle with them on the couch every lazy morning, and to see her angry with them for tracking mud and blood over every single surface in the house. To see their father walking around every morning in his own pants, but clearly in Luca's shirt. It stretched all over his arms, not even reaching his belly. He'd blindly walk down into the kitchen, starting breakfast, because even though his mother was the best at cooking, nobody beat his dad in baking. He wanted his fights and homework-solving with Iruka and the fun pretend-games with Naruto. But he keeps everything to himself until his mother came to talk with him. She told him that it was okay to feel like this. That she had felt the same things when she was young and her mother was expecting her brother. And that their love for him would not change, no matter what happened. So he tried to accept these new feelings of his.

Their mission is a partial success. Kakashi and a Kinoe, who now decided he'd go as Tenzou, went into the Root base, a striped cat with blue eyes following them. They ended up taking a kid the same age as Naruto and one a few years older huddled together. There are others too, but those are left behind, with only Luca's meddling with their minds keeping them salvageable.

* * *

He's fourteen and in the hospital. There is some bustle as a nurse tries to stop his family from entering his room, but they can't stop his mother.

“Are you a complete moron?! A nukenin, Kakashi! A fucking nukenin and you decide to fight him! What the Hell were you thinking? For Ra's sake!” But as she was cursing him out, her arms were around him, hugging him as tight as his injuries allowed her too.

“I'm sorry. I wasn't really thinking...” He mumbles out, and she pulls away to ruffle his hair. There are tears in her eyes. His dad comes into the room, all of his siblings hanging around him.

“It's pretty clear. But you need more training if you're planning on going up against someone like Orochimaru. So we are upping your training.” And she looks back to the rest of their family. “All of your training.”

* * *

He's sixteen and he'd just realized how big of a moron he really was two years ago. Iruka comes back broken from a mission and all of the family rallies around him. That's when he realizes that his parents are only loyal to them, their children, but if needed, they'd move everyone to somewhere safer. They are all drafted into babysitting-duty after Mom stops Iruka from killing himself during a bath. And during that time, his parents move out and attack. The Land of Tea is ruined for a while, and it all happened over a span of a couple of hours.

* * *

He's twenty-six and he really shouldn't be crying out for his mother anymore. Pein attacks the village, and he's so caught up with fighting, he doesn't notice his injuries until it's too late.

As the world turns black around him, he's a twelve-year-old kid again, as he watches his mother spin Naruto around with the buttercups blooming behind them. And then he meets his biological father, only to be gripped by fear running so deep into his bones, he almost bolts. She knows, and she's enraged.

When he is brought back, the village and the surrounding area are completely totalled, and the villagers, civilian and ninja alike, are giving a wide berth to his mother, who is covered in blood.

Kurenai tells him later, in hushed whispers, that Luca went berserk when she found out that he was dead. Pein stood no chance against the enraged monster who could rival the Kyuubi with her attacks. If only she knew that Kurama feared Luca and the destructive rage she carried.

When he returns to the village with Naruto, his feet are swept off the ground as someone hugs him tightly. He can feel his father crying as he holds him, and suddenly there was a pile of people atop of him.

“You're alive! You're alive! Thank the gods!” He heard his mother's shaky voice, almost drowned out by the cheer of the people. They were alive.


	4. The Root kids and Anko

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually write to music, but I never mention what I listen to in my stories. This is not one of those stories. In the last chapter, I've used "Handmade Heaven" by MARINA(that's how it appears on YouTube). And in this chapter, I used the "Gneevguillia Reel" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPVYj2vtX40) and "Walpurgisnacht" by FAUN (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLgM1QJ3S_I)

Tenzou never really knew what it was like to have a family. He was an experiment after all. But so were his new parents, and they were building a happy family. And maybe he would be able to do the same. So he soaks up the affection given to him and tries to give them back as much as he can. He's happy with them, and so are the two younger kids Mom saves. But there are things he can't help but notice.

There's a cat with glowing blue eyes every night watching over him. His parents, and sometimes even Naruto, eat their meat on the raw side. That sometimes his mother's teeth looked razor-sharp when she tilted her head at a certain angle when laughing. That his father always kept something sharp in his reach, no matter what. That they both sometimes appeared out of nowhere, and his father sometimes tilted his head in a way only birds did. And his father healed Shin with seemed like only a touch. He finds out later that they got adopted by retired assassins. That they understand them better than he would have ever believed.

The first time he sees what that cat really is, he wakes up from a nightmare. He's shaking and sweating, and his mother appears next to him, arms circling around him. He starts sobbing when his mother runs her hands over his back and his hair, and something hairy wraps around his middle. He looks down to see a striped tail wrapped around him.

“It's okay, son. You're not alone, pumpkin.” And she starts purring. Later, when he calms down and she leaves him he finally connects the dots. He spends the next days observing her. She plays with the kids, paints with Sai and mothers them like nothing is wrong, and he feels conflicted.

“You okay kid? You look like you have a lot on your mind.” His dad asks him one sunny afternoon when they are sitting in a tree in their backyard. Winter is slowly making its presence known all over the yard, the trees looking empty without their leaves.

“What are you?” He asks, watching Iruka go through his exercises for the Academy. His dad chuckles and stretches, wings appearing on his back.

“I'm a god and Luca is a shapeshifter who can freely travel across dimensions. And I think she might have been blessed by the Morrigan, a goddess of war and death.”

“You're not that godly.”

“No, I guess I'm not. But you should have seen me back in the good old days. I had entire countries at my mercy. And I had this epic feud with my Uncle, and Brother, about who would rule our main country. That's when my first kid was born. Smart cookie that one helped us solve the whole inheritance thing almost right away.” He rambles on, and Tenzou feels like he is in a dream or something similar. That's the only way all of this could be logical.

“But where are the other gods then?” He asks when his dad seems to lose steam, trying to make some sense of what was happening. Somewhere along the line, his head got turned into a falcon's, beak moving just like his lips had.

“If we don't have vessels down here, we can't enter these worlds. We can't really interact with things from there unless we choose someone to represent us.” His head was back to normal now, hair the same brown as his.

“Can she turn into a cat?”

“Yep. But she can also turn into almost anything else. It's kind of awesome if you think about it. She can do other things too, but she doesn't really use them. “ That's when she appeared in front of them, floating several feet in the air.

“Go wash up, boys. Dinner's ready.” And she was gone just as fast as she came. He almost fell off the branch in shock, but his father was there to catch him.

* * *

Their numbers grew when Iruka dragged home a purple-haired girl. He introduces her as Mitarashi Anko, and she seems uncomfortable with all that's happening around her. There are two three years old's, a six-year-old, two eleven years old's and a thirteen-year-old.

Only half an hour into their dinner, Anko becomes loud and boisterous, rivalling even Kakashi and Iruka, who are fighting over the last piece of chicken. His dad was trying to coax the younger ones to not join the fighting, while his mother and Shin were cheering them on. Tenzou felt like hitting his face into the plate of vegetables near him, and Anko looked like she was seriously contemplating stealing that piece of chicken.

It's late at night when Anko prepares to leave, but his parents stop her and invite her to stay over for the night. A night turns to two, two into a three and eventually, she moves in with them, becoming the ninth member of their family.

* * *

The tenth member of their family joins them a year later in a snowy January, and Anko finally has a little escape from all the boys around her in the form of Hinata.

That April they celebrate something from their old dimension, in order to honour their lost teammates. They have a cook-out with a huge bonfire in their garden, where Mother teaches them a strange dance that somehow involves leaping over the bonfire.

* * *

They allow the kids to paint something on one of their walls. Beaches and forests spring up along mountains and sunsets. And even Kakashi decides that a forest would suit his room, and Luca paints it herself, the trees mirroring the ones in their yard. Sai starts to spread out, drawing taking over walls and doors. They also start training with them.

They play catch with them, chasing them down across their suddenly gigantic back-yard. The older kids even begin to teach the younger ones how to walk on water and trees, so they can get away faster from their parents. Dad takes them hunting, while Mom teaches them how to handle weapons and tactics, on a level acceptable for little kids. And cursing, especially when someone tries to attack them on the street. “Get your hands off my kids or I'll show your hands so far down your throat, you'll wave out of your ass.” will stick with them forever.


	5. Haruno Sakura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or how you gain the loyalty of a strong medic.
> 
> Now featuring obviously manipulative parents, staged conversations, protective kids, plans and overconfident five-year-olds.

When they get enrolled into temple school, Dad takes them there while Mom takes Shin to the Academy. They get stared at. Mothers and female teachers are sizing up their dad while they stare at the Hyuuga heiress with wonder and at Naruto fear and distrust. Dad points out a kid with dark hair in a pony-tail, who is accompanied by a man with a goatee who is clearly his father.

“He is Nara Shikamaru. His father is really important, and he is going to grow up influential too.” In other words, keep good relations up with him and his friends. They'll need allies.

They move into the classroom as a team, ready to take over it. There are eyes watching them, and a blonde girl with blue eyes is scowling at them. _Yamanaka_, whispers Hinata to her brothers, as they move to sit near a pink-haired girl with green eyes. Hinata and Naruto turn on the charm as they begin to talk to her, while Sai just waves at her, not confident enough in his social skills. By the end of the day, they had charmed Sakura into their group, and she is vaguely aware that there is something else connecting them, but that's a mystery for another day.

* * *

It's the weekend and Sakura is out shopping with her mother when she hears a chorus of voices call her name. Mebuki looked startled as three kids broke away from the masses, going straight to her daughter. There was a blue-haired little girl, who must have been the Hyuuga heiress, a blond-haired boy with whiskers on his cheeks who she guessed was the Uzumaki boy and another boy, this one with brown hair and strangely pale skin. She had no idea who that last kid was.

“Guys!” Her daughter shrieked, and they all fell into a mess of chattering and pointing hands until the brown-haired kid noticed her and poked his companions in the ribs.

“Right, manners! Mom is going to kill us if she finds out.” Spoke up the Uzumaki kid, as they all collectively turned towards her.

“I'm Hyuuga Hinata, a pleasure to meet you, Haruno-san!”

“I'm Siese Sai, Haruno-san. A pleasure to meet you!”

“I'm Uzumaki Naruto, a pleasure, Haruno-san!” And they all bowed, Naruto all while flashing her a toothy smile.

“It's my pleasure to meet you, children! Are you here alone?” The kids froze, looking at each other, then at the street around them.

“Now Dad is going to kill us too!” Bemoaned the Hyuuga girl, the boys nodding along emphatically.

And like she was summoned from somewhere, a woman appeared behind the kids. There was a brown ponytail floating behind her as she crouched down, and it seemed to be larger than her. She looked too young to be their mother, and she was even dressed like the youth around them, with an open kimono robe over shorts and a white top.

“You scoundrels scared me to death. I thought someone has managed to kidnap you!” She managed to squeeze all three of her kids into a hug, all while they were complaining and protesting that they had no chance of being kidnapped under her watch.

“We'll talk about this at home, okay? I'm sure your father will also have a thing or two to say to you about disappearing from my sight.” She let go of the children, dusted off her robe and extended her hand to Mibuki, smiling warmly at her. Her eyes were beautiful. “I'm Luca, mother to these three, among others. I'm guessing the little miss is the famous Sakura-chan and you must be her mother. A pleasure.”

“Haruno Mebuki. The pleasure is mine.” They shook hands while Sakura bowed, eyes wide with awe. “Do you have other kids too?” Luca visibly lit up, her smile growing even warmer, if possible.

“Yes. There is Shin, who is in the Academy, then Iruka, who is a Chounin already, Anko, who is also a Chounin and finally Kakashi, the only Jounin in the family. They are might pride ad joy.” She clapped her hands together, and oh, Mebuki was charmed. And by the looks of it, her daughter was too.

“It's a miracle you have any free time with all those kids. I'm sure it's not easy raising them.”

“We managed somehow. You can't imagine how hard it was to socialize the older kids. They were so neglected. I can only hope we managed to help them.”

“At least they had someone to turn to. It's already a hard job with just one child, but let alone eight...you must be really talented.”

“Oh, I know! You should come over sometime for dinner, to meet the family. After all, your daughter is going to be seeing them a lot.” She might have been caught off guard by that proposal, so she only nodded in response. “Okay, we'll talk more details later! Say bye to Sakura, kids, and let's go. We're going to be late.” And just like that, they were gone.

* * *

That Monday, Mebuki takes Sakura to school, and instead of the curly-haired woman, she meets the husband. And if she thought the wife was attractive, she had nothing on the husband. He was tall, dark and handsome with glowing eyes. He walks up to her and greets her with a kiss to the hand.

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Haruno-san. I'm Siese Alexander, and you've met my wife this weekend.”

“Ah yes, Luca. She was very energetic.” He winced, nodding at her statement.

“That's an understatement, I'm afraid. I wanted to invite you over this Friday afternoon if that's possible.”

“That's perfectly fine. Where should we go?”

“Do you know where _Wonderland_ is?”

“I do. You own that pub?” She was impressed. Eight kids and a privately-owned pub.

“Yes. Visit us on Friday, let's say around seven?”

“Perfect. Thank you, Siese-san!”

“Please, call me Alex.” His voice was entrancing, she felt overwhelmed again.

“Then you can call me Mebuki.”

This was a friendship that would later result in her daughter calling the 'Aunt' and 'Uncle'.

* * *

It's a week after the dinner when Ino decided that she has to attack a member of their little group. She gathered up all her 'friends' and went for the kill, deciding on the most vulnerable member of their little posse.

They cornered her during recess when she was alone and started insulting the forehead girl, making the pinkette start crying. Ino took this as a win until the demon-siblings showed up. The boys sandwiched in Sakura, while Hinata stomped in font of Ino, looking more intimidating as any kid her age should have the right to.

“You keep away from Sakura-chan! She has done nothing to you, and neither did we. But if you keep on doing this, I'll show your hands so far down your throat, you'll wave out of your ass!” Accompanied by Sai looking dead into their eyes and Naruto growling at them.


	6. Nara Shikamaru, pt 1(ft. Shikaku)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, this big boy over here is almost 20 pages long without any new additions. I planned on adding multiple chapters to some of the characters, but this one takes the cake. Enjoy!  
And why the tongue? Nerves. (You'll see)

Shikamaru was a lot harder to draw in, given the fact that he was not alone. The boys were the ones that were tasked with befriending him and his group of slackers. Sai brought them home-made snacks, while Naruto turned up his charm, just like his dad had taught him. Luckily for them, Shikamaru seemed drawn to the blond, making their job a lot easier. And that fascination only grew as time passed.

* * *

On October 10th, Shikamaru is out with his parents during the Kyuubi festival, when he finally sees the whole family.

Hatake approaches his father with a bored expression and another white-haired kid that looks younger than him. He's soon followed by a purple-haired woman who is vaguely familiar, a teen with a scar and a brown pony-tail and his classmates. His mother asked Hinata where their parents were when a tall man ran down the street waving a stick of Dango victoriously while a woman chased him down, yelling about feathers.

“There are our parents. Dad is in one of his moods.” She looked sheepish, while the brown-haired boy handed her another stick of Dango. His mother looked a little alarmed while his dad looked lost. The tall man suddenly turned, catching the woman in his arms. He picked her up and spun her around, both laughing. They came back to them, her still in his arm, both flushed.

“Hi there, I'm Luca and this goof is my husband, Alex. Kids?” And all the kids all bowed and introduced themselves like clockwork. The brown-haired older kid turned out to be named Umino Iruka, purple-haired woman Mitarashi Anko and other white-haired kid was Shin.

The dad finally put her down the mother and somehow, his whole world zeroes down onto her. Her hair has flowers in it and her lips are blood red and they shine in the lamplight. He wants to be near her, as her and he can only grasp his mother's hand to stop him from doing one of those things. Instead, he just watches them. They are such a different couple than his parents. They were always touching each other in some way or another, and sometimes Alex would just duck down and kiss her while she would cuddle up to his side.

Eventually, the dad broke off, picking Hinata up and placing her onto his shoulder as they moved away, Sakura and her parents joining them as they moved away. Later on, his world slowly gets turned upside down the more time he spends around her.

* * *

He dreams of parties and people he has never seen. Of blood and fires that leave him screaming for his parents so he can see that they all alive. He dreams of ripping things apart with his bare hands and of slipping through dimensions like walking from one room to another. His hair becomes curlier as the years pass, and somehow he knows that he should have been taller than that.

* * *

His son is six when a dishevelled Alex pounds on their door one evening.

“Shikaku, I need your help. I need to find someone.” The usually jovial man looks unusually serious, so Shikaku ushers him into his office.

“What happened?” He sits down, watching the other man pace around.

“A mission went horribly and now we need someone who could freeze a bloodline limit.” That was nearly impossible, but there were people who could do it.

“Why would you need that?”

“Because my son almost killed himself tonight thanks to it!” His voice reverberated through the house, and now he will need a really good excuse to pry Shikamaru off this mystery. Alex slumped into one of the chairs, head in his hands.

“Alex, what happened?”

“Iruka. He was sent on a mission two months ago. Turns out he needed to seduce some old geezer who had a thing for young boys.” He looked disgusted when he said that last sentence and Shikaku could sympathize. If his son would have needed to do the same thing, he would have locked the boy away. “The repeated...triggered something like a fail-safe in him, which left him...it left him...He's with kid. And I'm a failure of a father.” He started crying and Shikaku felt like he was dreaming. The boy was fourteen and had a bright career in front of him but this, this would end him. “And the fucking Council led by that asswipe Shimura is forcing him to keep it.”

“And you wish to go against them? They basically rule the village.”

“I know. But we're not loyal to the village.” His eyes were red-rimmed but shone with something that made his hand itch for a weapon. This was no ordinary man. “They tortured my kids, but we stayed for their sake. They have friends and precious people here.”

“And what would happen if I decided to not help you?” The question slipped out before he could stop himself.

“We already have eight kids, what's a couple more? We take them, change their memory and raze this whole place to the ground. We won't stop until Konoha and every single link to it is a bloody pile on the ground, then I'll set fire to it as a warning for everyone else.” He leaned forward, hands clasped on his knees. “We're just ignoring our blood-lust for now. It would be pleasant to let it out. And rest assured, Shikamaru will never remember your existence after we're done with him. He'll be happy with his new family, never knowing about this place.” That hit him hard. The other's eyes were cold and steady, as he told him all the things they'd do to the village. A small part of him was happy that his son would survive, but that was not enough.

“Who do you want to find?”

“Senju Tsunade. I'll drag her back by her tongue if I need to.”

* * *

He's eight when he finally dreams of someone he's seen before. His vision is blurry from blood running down his face, but he recognizes the glowing eyes staring at him. Naruto's dad is staring at him, also covered in blood, and starts speaking.

He wakes up sweating, _Lucifer_ etched into his mind. He corners the Terrifying Three when school ends and asks them just who that Lucifer is. They all blanch, and he finds himself being pulled along with them while Naruto tells Chouji that it's going to be alright, they're not going to kill Shikamaru and he can expect a batch of fresh cookies tomorrow.

They drag him home, telling their mother that somehow, he knows about Lucifer, and she ushers them into their living room.

“How do you know about Lucifer?” She asks him bluntly as she paces up and down in front of the TV, and he freezes when he notices that. her shadow has a tail.

“I dreamt that Uncle was calling me that. And that I was covered in blood.” He tells her honestly, and Naruto suddenly lights up.

“Mum? Isn't this like what happened with Dad and me?” And his siblings nod along, and Shikamaru feels left out of the loop.

“I think it's the same. For Ra's sake, even his eyes are starting to look like mine!” His confusion only grows after that statement. How could his eyes look like hers? Then one very obvious thing clicks into place. She's relatively short with curly hair.

“Are you Lucifer?”

“Yes, It was my code-name back when I still used to do assassin stuff.” She shrugs like it's long behind her. And from what he'd gathered from his dreams, she really is.

“But you're not from this dimension.”

“That's also true. And that's why you're like this.” She finally sits down, staring right at him. “You and I were meant to exist as one singular entity, just like Naruto and Alex were.”

“There are rules that don't really allow dimensional travellers to exist as a separate entity if they have a counterpart there. They'll merge.” Further explains Sai, and he feels like he should already know this.

“But if we were meant to be the same entity, why are we like this?”

“Because there's a way to cheat the system. We got here in an intermediate period where the old us was dead and you weren't born yet.” Her hand disappeared, only to return with an apple, which she broke into two. “So instead of being whole, we were split into two halves. And now, that contact was made between us, the stronger halves are starting to influence each other. You might have noticed that Naruto is taller than normal and that he seems to radiate the same warmth and magnetism my husband has.” He nodded. She broke the halves into two more pieces and gave them out, then sat back again. “You are going to be influenced by my baser nature. You'll gain more feminine traits than the rest of your peers, you'll be smaller than you should have been, and you'll gain an edge that many people will be afraid of stepping over. Hopefully, that's all of what will happen to you, but if not, we have the means to stop it, okay? Don't be afraid to turn to us when something strange happens, we'll right it. We're the only ones that can.”

* * *

The Uchiha clan gets attacked one night, and the next he dreams of torturing one of the elders for information. His blood-lust thrums with approval when he sees a clawed hand tear off the man's arm when he tries denying the accusations thrown at him. That morning Konoha awakens to the last scream of Shimura Danzo. They find him in front of the Hokage tower, dismembered and impaled, with his written confession pinned to his head with one of his ribs. He was alive only long enough to scream. And he was behind what happened to the Uchiha.

* * *

His dreams get even more bloody as time passes. He dreams of ripping his own skin off because it feels like something is crawling under it, of his muscles hanging from his bones because he tore them off. He no longer screams when he wakes up, but he feels like shit every single morning. How can she leave so peacefully after that?

He's twelve and returning from an Ino-Shika-Cho training when they pass a playground. Nothing unusual, until jealousy, hits him, and he freezes mid-step, unable to breathe. Pregnant mothers and their young children are in the park, and he just...wants to be like them. He wants to be like them so bad, he doesn't notice his hand moving to his stomach.

“Shika?” Chouji calls his name, and just like that, the jealousy stopped clouding his mind. He shakes his head and moves on, vowing to not go near playgrounds in the future. Not being able to have kids would explain all those adoptions they had done.


	7. Nara Shikamaru, pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly turning into OC Central over here.

A year later, he dreams of a purple-eyed woman telling him that he's finally a woman, and him denying it with all his might. Then it changes, and he just stares at female hygiene products with remorse, then turns around and leaves, basket empty. He wakes up with wet underpants, and when he reaches down there, his hand comes back bloody. Fuck no. His dreams were becoming reality. 

He calls for his mother, then gets out of bed. His sheets are ruined. His mom comes running, scared that he'd hurt himself in his dream again, but stops dead in the doorway when she sees him stripping his bed.

“Pekopeko? Why are you bloody?” She jumps at him, looking at any injuries.

“I think I might be experiencing a period?” He holds the sheets up in front of him protectively, talking pointedly at the corner of the room. Blood is running down his legs, and he just wishes this would go faster.

“Is that because of that Lucifer thing?” He nods, handing her the bloody sheets.”Right...I'm going to take the sheets, then I'm going to get Luca and Yuuki and see what we can do. You go wash up, okay?”

“Troublesome.” But he goes to the bathroom. The warm shower feels heavenly, calming down his slight cramps. He takes his time with the shower, and when he finishes, there are three women waiting for him. His mom looks paler than a wall, fiddling with her apron, Luca was fiddling with her hair, and his other aunt looked the calmest, holding a bottle of something.

They bundle him up, help with the cramps and Luca sits him down and tells him what has happened in her limited time experiencing periods. She offers to bring over Senju Tsunade, but he refuses. He'd been expecting this for a while. At least he doesn't have to go to classes for the day.

* * *

The next day, alongside Chouji and Ino, the Terrifying Three, plus Sakura, also joins them in the morning. Naruto gives him a knowing smile, Hinata offers him some of her chocolate while Sai and Sakura start chatting with his future teammates.

They are on their lunch break when Kiba gets up into his personal space and questions him why he smells like a woman now. Before he can react, Naruto yanks him away, holding him up by his collar, taking advantage of his height, and shook him.

“Go mind your business, Inuzuka. I'm sure someone is willing to play Ninja with you. So go find them.”

“And if you talk about this to anyone, I'll make sure we end up on the same team and I'll make it look like an accident.” He was sure Hinata would end up leading T&I one day, while Naruto would be the scariest Hokage ever. Or a really protective dad.

“Guys, it's okay. Don't make it troublesome.” The blond backed up, but Hinata continued glaring at Kiba, who blanched and ran away as fast as he could, Akamaru at his heels.

“Are you okay?” Worried blue eyes scanned him all over, and he felt his cheeks heating up. He stared at the taller boy, his mind going blank for a second.

“I'm alright. Nothing unusual.” Just him bleeding from a place that never should have existed in the first place. And noticing that one of his friends looked a lot more appealing than any other friend of his.

* * *

“Are these my feelings or yours?” He asks Luca one afternoon after Naruto has left with Jiraiya to train. He's taken refuge at the bar from the rest of his team, and she was teaching him how to mix drinks.

“Towards my son? I have no idea. Everyone feels love differently. Even we feel love differently. I know one version of us that is in a relationship and has managed to convince the dude to try fucking other people. I wouldn't do that with my hubby.” She passes him a bottle of something blue, and he nods along to her explanation. He'd seen them show affection, both in his dreams and real life. They were the kind of couple that had only eyes for each other and would find dancing down a busy street romantic. “When did you first notice Naruto?”

“I think...when he first approached me?” The timeline for his crush was a little muddled. That was before he'd made contact with Luca and started going down a different path in life.

“So maybe they are your feelings after all. Now, this one is called 'Blue Lagoon'.”

* * *

“Do you have a crush on someone?” Ino asks Chouji during a mission when they are fifteen. Asuna has wandered off to check the safety of their campsite. The other teen looks stunned for a little, then turns as red as his markings.

“Remember that blue-haired girl from the last mission? We started talking?” Ino looks gleeful, while he only nods.

“Ayumi? She's a cutie. And she's a good cook. What about you, Shikamaru? Anyone special in your life?” She looked too happy for her own good.

“Why are you so interested in my life all of the sudden?” He asked her instead of responding to her question.

“I was only trying to pass time, you jackass!” She fell back against a tree-trunk. “And besides, we all know you were head over hills for Naruto.” Both he and Chouji shot up, startled.

“How the Hell do you know about that?” He blurts out before realizing he's admitting she's right.

“We've known for years, Shika.”

“Whatever. He's not around, so I can't act on it, so let's just drop it.”

“You know, you're idea of romance may be different from his.” Spoke of Chouji in a sudden bout of insight he was not expecting. And he was right. He'd grown up with seeing the slightly cold relationship of his parents. They cared about each other and were good parents, but his mother ruled the household while his father just floated around. On the other hand, Naruto grew up a couple who still acted like they were still under the first flush of romance. And they shared things more. So he had to find some kind of balance between the two.


	8. Nara Shikamaru, pt 3 (ft. Uzumaki Naruto)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gym Class Heroes "Stereo Hearts"

A few months later he is escorting Temari in the village. She had a thing with him he really couldn't figure out, and she was really getting on his nerves. Luckily, that day she was in the mood for alcohol, and he knew just the place for her.

“Temari, Shikamaru, welcome!” Greets them Luca, sunny smile on her lips as she waited the tables in the pub. “Go to the counter, one of the boys is manning it.” And they walked deeper into the pub, and oh, so that's why she was so happy.

“Naruto?” His jaw almost hits the floor. The blond looks even better than before. He'd developed even more muscles and seemed to be only a couple of heads smaller than his dad. Fuck him. “When did you get back?” Naruto laughed after greeting them, putting away a bottle of gin.

“I got back yesterday. I wanted to spend some time with my parents, so here I am. What can I get you?”

“Give me a Midori Illusion and her an Aunt Roberta.” Naruto raised an eyebrow at that, then let out a chuckle. “How was your training?”

“We traveled a lot. And I helped Ero-Sennin write a new novel, made new friends and I can finally do some of the more complicated seals flawlessly. What about you?” He pushed a green drink towards Shikamaru, moving on to mix the must alcoholic cocktail they served.

“Mission, paperwork, the usual. Nothing new happened.”

“What about you, Temari?” Another glass was full, this one with reddish-brown liquid in it.

“I met a lot of assholes and did a lot of shit. Now I want to get drunk without your little pet-project, whom I call my brother, finding out. So keep them coming!” Naruto saluted her, getting to work on another drink.

“You could clean pipe with that, ya'know? Three of these and you're out like light.”

“Don't care, gimme.”

“Don't come to us complaining!” He and Naruto chatted like no time has passed while she loudly commentated. His Aunt and Uncle were dancing around between the tables, and it was kinda better than cloud-watching.

Eventually, Temari passed out on the bar and Auntie volunteered to take her back to the hotel. His Uncle closed the bar and left them alone to chat, with a pointed 'I'm not in the mood for grandkids, understood?'. They both blushed, and Naruto had the audacity to yell back 'No promises'. Why did he have feelings for this troublesome idiot? But he remained there and they continued talking.

“I should go home before I miss dinner.” He stood up and stretched, and nope, he was imagining the blond checking him out. It was not real.

“I'll walk you out.” And just on cue, the radio switched on and started playing one of the more upbeat love songs he'd seen Luca and Alex sing to each other. “Mom! It's not funny!”

“Oh, I think it is.” Materialized his aunt near them, eyes sparkling with amusement and joy. She gave Shikamaru a hug, telling him to take care, then headed over to the stairs. “I hope Sai has not managed to set fire to the kitchen again.”

“Still better than Anko setting fire to the bathroom!” Yelled back Naruto, and started walking towards the entrance.

“Your family is strange.” He told the blond when they reached the doorway.

“That's just how we roll. And we're used to it.” Said Naruto with a shrug, and leaned against the door-frame. They were a really troublesome family, but he couldn't imagine them any other way. “I'm about to do something very impulsive, so consider this your warning.” Naruto leaned down, and breathing suddenly became very hard. Up close, he looked even more beautiful.

“Go for it.” Felt like it took ages to be said. Their lips met in a chaste kiss, and his world felt like it was suddenly on fire.

He closed his eyes and snaked his arms around his partners neck, pulling him in for more. In response, Naruto's arms circled his waist, lifting him up for slightly better angle, and he deepened the kiss. It felt like an eternity before they broke off, both breathing hard, and someone cheering above them.

“Eat it, Feathers! I was...hey! Stop that!”

“You're too loud, woman!”

They both let out a chuckle, and Naruto put him down. He leaned in for a quick peck, then let go of him, turning towards the road to get going.

“See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Goodnight, Shikamaru!” And he went back into the pub. He felt like he was walking on clouds when he went home.

* * *

Naruto climbed up the stairs with a crazy smile on his lips. Sai and Hinata were waiting for him at the landing. They jumped at him, pulling him into the living room. His mom and Anko were having a dance-off while Iruka was their audience, while Kakashi, dad and Shin were playing a three-way chess game. They sat down on one of the couches, him sandwiched between his siblings.

“Sooo, how was it?”

“How was what?” He played dumb, only to be hit by Hinata.

“The kiss, dummy. You finally get it on with Nara, and you're so fucking tight-lipped, I'm thinking I should let Hinata interrogate you.” Threatened him Sai. He gulped when Hinata's eyes flashed dangerously.

“I bet it was everything you've dreamed off and even more.” She said with a little chuckle, leaning into him.

“Yep. Better than the previous ones I've had.”

“Is he experienced?” Asked Sai, grabbing a bowl of chips from the side table and snacking on them.

“I think he is. He let me lead and all that shit.” He hit Sai with a pillow when he refused to share the chips. Shin, done with the game, stole the bowl when they weren't looking.

“Are we talking about Blondie's sex life?” He plopped down onto the ground in front of the couch.

“Yep. We want t know how long he'll take to make the next Uzumaki-Nara heir.”

“You are shameless, Sister.” She stuck her tongue out, ducking down to sit besides Shin.

“But you love me anyway!” Anko and Iruka also joined them, their mom the winner of their competition.

“Are you guys in mood for pizza?” Were the magic words their mother needed to call out in order to gather everyone's attention. The three younger ones shot each other a look, deciding that they'd continue later.

* * *

Naruto has to rescue Gaara from the brink of death and go on a mission regarding Orochimaru before he and Shikamaru can go on a proper date.

They go to Ichiraku's, one of Naruto's favorite restaurant. After that he took the smaller man to his special place on the Hokage mountain. They'd discovered it with his Dad when they were out hunting four years ago, and he'd never stopped revisiting it. It helped him feel closer to his biological dad. They lay in the grass, watching the clouds pass by over them, sometimes sharing a kiss, and generally enjoying the peaceful atmosphere around them.

* * *

Asuma is killed during a mission soon after that, and Shikamaru's mind is taken over by the need for revenge. He takes up smoking as a way of feeling closer to him, and devices a plan to kill those responsible. Ino and Chouji help him, and Kakashi-senpai joins their team for the mission.

He managed to lure Hidan into the Nara forest and blew him up to pieces. A hand appeared above the still laughing head, a ball of blue electricity floating in its palm. It shows into Hidan's mouth, and that ends him for real. Meanwhile, Naruto manages to down Kakuzu with a technique that is way more overpowered than it should be.

Later, when he gets home, Luca is waiting for him with an understanding look in her eyes and open arms, so he falls into them, sobbing. After a while, she is replaced by Naruto, and they stay like that for a whole night.

* * *

Jiraiya is also killed during a mission after that, and their positions are switched. He also has his family to fall back upon, so they can get him back on his feet to solve the last puzzle the Sannin has left behind. They figure it out, and Naruto goes to train with the frogs. Things are starting to look up when the village is decimated.

His leg is badly broken and he can't really move when despair floods his mind, so potent his vision goes blank. He comes back to his father shaking him awake, Ino and her father looking at him with worry and Shiho staring blankly at the wreckage around them.

“Who died, Katsuyu? Who died?” His voice sounds like he'd been gargling with rocks. The slug looks thoughtful for a moment, then responds.

“Hatake Kakashi is one of the most important one of them.” Oh no.

“We need to move. We're not safe here.” He tried to get up, only to be pushed back down by his father.

“Why do we need to do that?” And just like Ino was asking it, fear struck all of them.

“Luca is very protective of her kids. And she goes into blind rages when one of them is hurt.” A golden dome went up around them just as an orange-haired body flew at them. Another body, this one with brown hair followed it, and with an animalistic growl, started pummeling it. The first few hits looked bearable enough, then another one pulverized the whole upper half of the body. Luca stared down at them, eyes glowing blue and teeth turned into fangs as she snarled blindly at anything that was in front of her. Purple markings were making their way onto her face. One clawed hand was placed onto the dome, just above him. So this was what their victims were looking at in his dreams. It only lasted for a couple of moments, and then she jumped back onto the battlefield with enough force to push the dome a few feet closer to them.

“What was that?” Older Yamanaka asked, face even paler than before.

“The reason why they always fear disrespecting their mother.” Stated his dad calmly, like he'd seen this before. A hawk flies circles them from the air, dropping down to turn into their puffy-faced uncle.

“Anyone hurt? Did she attack you?” He sounded broken, but he was on them without a moment of hesitation. Shiho was in shock, the Yamanaka duo and his father had only some minor injuries that wouldn't hinder them, and he couldn't help Shizune. So Shikamaru was the worst one off his group.

“Aren't you going to join her rampage?” Asked his father as he watched the god examine his son.

“He would have wanted me to protect the people he held dear. And I can't join the rampage until I make sure everyone is okay, I would be shitty leader.” He let out a laugh that was the most awkward he'd ever heard. “Plus, wifey has knowledge of all the dimensions out there. If Naruto employs all of his abilities right, the original one can bring back the dead.”

“So, she's just letting out steam?” Deadpanned Shikamaru as Alex motioned Ino to come closer.

“She played sane for too long. Ino, can you numb his leg? I need to set the bone right before I heal him, or he'll never walk right again. Your pelvic bone is also broken, so someone should hold him down.”

“Sure, Uncle.”

“Leg's done, you'll need crutch for a couple of days, but you'll have no trouble walking.” He patted his leg, then called his dad closer. “Hold him up for a little. I need better access.” Ino moved her hands to his hips, and even if it helped numb the pain, but it still hurt. He'd take Tsunade any day above this.

“Cheer up kid, you now have something to compare birth to.” Yamanaka Senior and Junior had the same confused face when they heard that particular tidbit of information. 'I'll tell you later' he mouthed her, about to reveal one of his biggest secret ever. “All done. I have to go check up on the others, so see you guys later. Hopefully under better circumstances!” And he was off again, flying away.

“He's a god. A very powerful and old one.” Shikaku told the rest of their group, letting him sit down again onto the rubble.

Katsuyu started talking, telling them how Naruto was talking to the original Pein, trying to convince him to stop this madness. And the blond idiot was successful.

Green light rained down onto them, reviving Shizune at the same time the golden dome disappeared. They rushed over to where the people started gathering, waiting for the man who talked down Pein and talked him into bringing back his victims and stopping the half-cat terror from decimating their village.

* * *

Tsunade is in a coma, Danzo was already six feet under, along with Jiraiya, so Kakashi was the only one left. Until he recommended his father in his place. After all, he was the god of leadership and warfare, and he could control the most dangerous people in the village.

The Rokudaime Hokage became a civilian. A civilian who lived up to his title and helps rebuild the village in record time. Luca joined the cooks, while the kids were assisting the builders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly believe that Kakashi would be late for his own funeral too, so I decided I'd change who the Rokudaime Hokage is. And Horus is a good leader, after all.


	9. Nara Shikamaru, pt 4 (ft. Uzumaki Naruto)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this chapter ower here is the last one of the main story. After this, I'll only be posting little snapshots of their lives, going into greater details.

Tsunade woke up, eventually, to the news of the Akatsuki declaring war on the rest of the world. They decide they need Naruto away in order to protect him, Tenzou and Iruka going with him, alongside Killer B.

His mother pulls him down to kiss his forehead before they left, almost crushing him with her hug.

“This feels so wrong. Be careful!” She did the same with the other two of her children then went back to their dad's side. “Say the prayer if you need it, please!”

* * *

They are fighting the revived dead, among them Uchiha Madara too, when Naruto comes back to fight alongside them. Shortly after him and Killer B show up, Luca and Alex appear too. A golden spear slices through the masses of clones and revived, lighting them on fire, followed by a purple blur as it decimated their enemies. No matter how much they helped with the attacks, the Ten Tails was still resurrected.

Luca landed near Shikamaru, decapitating one of the clones around them.

“Aunty! Dad's...dad's under attack!” His voice broke her concentration, and just like that, she was gone. A moment or so later, she reappeared with both his beaten up dad and Inoichi under her arms.

“Don't make my rescue be for nothing, assholes.” She dropped them on the ground like bags of potatoes. Her hair gained pink highlights as she spoke, and it grew even more short. “That bloody bastard.” She stands up, muttering, when the golden spear flies through her chest. It keeps on moving into her husbands open hand. He raises it to the sky, and it glows even more brighter. Fire starts raining down, lightning following it. It looked spectacular.

At one point, the god of shinobi ended up fighting the god of war, while Luca turned into a monster almost as tall as the Juubi and also started fighting it.

* * *

They end up trapped in the Eternal Tsukuyomi. Alex is summoned by his kids when Team 7 manages to trap Kaguya, so he can end her. The family ends up in a pile on the ground, some of them crying while others were laughing.

* * *

“My son is fucking ninja Jesus.” Bemoans their mother when they are all out of the hospital and seated at their dining-room table, recounting what happened with everyone during the war. Dad pats her on the back sympathetically.

“He needs to live up to his old man.”

“By leaving all of us in the dust. You should just go up too Tsunade and tell her to hand over the hat.”

“Nah, man. I'm pretty sure she's going to give it to Dad to warm my seat until I'm ready.”

“You might have stopped a war, but I'll still kick your ass.” His dad pointed his bottle of beer towards Naruto, while the others burst out laughing.

“I'm glad we're okay.”

“Speaks the man who slept through all the war.”

“I was kidnapped, you little purple shit.”

“Watch it, Morning Wood!” The table dissolved into chaos, while their parents leaned into each other, smiling fondly at the food fight.

“We made the right decisions.”

“Heck yeah.”

* * *

The Rokudaime Hokage is sworn in in April, and Alex looks over the whole village with a sunny smile. His family is at the front of the mass, and he feels his heart grow. They did it. They raised eight kids into happy adults, and they defied their past. Now, onto making the village into something worth one of his kids.

* * *

They spend the evening of the thirtieth in one of the training grounds, their backyard too small for all the people showing up.

“For how long have you guys been together?” Asks Yoshino, cheeks flushed from the alcohol when they sit around the campfire, enjoying the food they'd brought to the celebration.

“I think...around forty years?”

“Give or take. We'd been traveling a lot to places with strange timelines.”

“And you act like newlyweds.”

“We're just happy.”

“And now that the house is going to be empty, we'll be even more happier.” Added Alex, winking at the crowd, while Luca let out a playful growl. The kids did not disappoint, disgusted noises erupting from the younger ones.

“It would be my honor to pleasure you, Hokage-sama.”

* * *

“Anko brought back some books from her last mission.” They stood in front of the blond's apartment complex, after they ended up watching the sunset from atop of the Hokage Monument. “Wanna come up and pick one?”

“Sure. Can't be that much of a drag.” Naruto let out a whoop and led him up to his apartment. He'd moved out a year after the war, and now he'd been living alone for six months in one of the better apartments in the slowly growing village. Being a war-hero and the son of the Hokage paid off nicely.

He did pick out a book, eventually. First, they needed to test out the durability of the door. Then, they tried out the comfiness of the table, each of them taking a turn on the floor, and oooh, training with Jiraiya really payed off. Compared to him, Shikamaru's first attempt couldn't hold a candle. At least he had a lot less to work with.

* * *

Five years after the end of the Fourth Shinobi war, they welcomed their first child with a veritable army outside their door. Uzumaki Aiko came into the world a crying pink mess that barely resembled a human, but both of her parents would have gladly sacrificed everything in order to protect her.

After she and Shikamaru got cleaned up and Naruto got slapped back into the land of the living by a really joyful Sakura, who got dibs on godmother, they were ready to meet the rest of the family. Yoshino and Shikaku looked ecstatic, Alex was murmuring blessings, and Luca burst out crying when she was handed her granddaughter.

“You did it.” He was the fist out of those who knew about being Lucifer to actually have a child of their own blood after the revelation. She held a baby a little closer to her chest, letting out a small laugh when Aiko snuggled closer. “She's going to be one spoiled beauty when she grows up.”

“And looks like she'd inherited her grandmother's red hair.” There were faint red highlights in the dark tufts atop her head.

They gave Aiko back to him, Naruto's siblings entering after their parents left. The sisters squealed when they saw her, while the brothers looked awed. He had a feeling his daughter was going to be one of the most protected people in the village, if not the world.


	10. Growing up, from baths to bottles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the title says.

Their first notable step into parenthood is trying to wrestle Naruto into clean clothes after a bath. They had been shopping that day, buying everything they needed for their brand new toddler. 

The trip went alright, Alex carting around the squealing toddler while Luca threatened every single shopkeeper who wanted to refuse them service. She even glowered at the ANBU tailing them. Things went well until Luca went to wash Naruto for the first time. They played with the bubbles, the kid gaining an impressive Mohawk and Luca a beard that could rival Santa, while Alex was in the kitchen, making dinner.

“Hope of my life?” His wife appeared in the doorway, borrowed shirt wet and full of bubbles.

“Yes? What's the matter, hon?”

“Would you mind trying to dress our son? He seems intent on streaking his way across dinner.” He laughed, passing the spoon he'd been using to Luca, then went to dress up his apparently nudist son.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen stared at the building in front of him. It did not look special, so why were they the ones that took in Naruto? He nodded at his guards and walked into the building, only to be greeted by a man and a woman chasing down a laughing blond toddler who was running around with a bottle in his hands.

“I take the right, you take the left, 'kay?” Yelled the man at, who Sarutobi thought, was his wife. She dove in that direction, managing to snatch the bottle out of Naruto's hands, while the man caught the kid.

“Excuse me?” He got their attention, the woman almost dropping the bottle in her hands.

“Hokage-sama?!” “Jiji!”

“Am I interrupting something?”

“No! Nothing at all. Do you want to come up for a cup of tea?” They both say at the same time, then burst out laughing, Naruto joining them.

“Sure. Lead the way.” They turned to the stairs in the back of the room, the woman b-lining to the bar to put away the bottle.

“Sorry about that, we were in the middle of locking away the booze when this little brat stole one of them.” Told him the man as he tickled to blond boy. They led him into a cosy living room, where Naruto toddled over to a pile of toys in front of one of the armchairs. “How can we help you today, Hokage-sama?”

“I wanted to see how Naruto-kun was doing and ask a couple of questions.”

“You mean you want to know why we took him in, for who do we work for and what do we plan on doing with him.” He almost swallowed his pipe when the father told him that. He nodded, trying to get his body to function again when the woman took over the conversation.

“We work for nobody now, since we've killed our previous employer over twenty years ago. We took him in because he needed a home and a family, and we plan on raising him.”

* * *

“Mommy? What are we doing?” Asked a now three-year-old Naruto one morning. Kakashi was on a mission, Iruka was in school and dad was travelling for business.

“We're backing a cake for Daddy. Tomorrow is his birthday after all!” She smiled at him, picking him up and sitting him down onto the counter. “Would you mind peeling these for me, Sunshine?” She handed him a bunch of bananas and placing a bowl next to him.

They made a chocolate and fruit cake, Naruto helping her out with little things. They ended up covered in cocoa powder with flour angels on the tiles.

* * *

“Can I braid your hair?” Luca looks up from searching her vanity for a brush. Naruto is five and staring sheepishly from the open doorway.

“Sure thing, Sunshine.” She stood up from her stool, walking over to the bed and shaking out her hair for him to play with it. The mattress dipped behind her, and little fingers started running through her curls. “What brought this up?”

“Hinata-chan wants to grow her hair out. I want to learn it so I'd be able to help.”

“That's very thoughtful of you, Sugar. I'm going to teach you how to braid it into buns later, okay?” Her son let out a whoop, hugging her from behind.

“You're the best, Mum!”

* * *

"You sure this is okay?” Asks Chouji when they drag a few friends home. Naruto beams at him reassuringly and Hinata links arms with him.

“They'll love you guys. And we always have a lot of snacks home. And we can ask Mum to make us pizza!” Piped up Sai from comparing homework with Sakura.

“Pizza?” Echoes Kiba, trailing after the siblings.

“Pizza. You'll love it, believe it!”

They first meet the dad, who's working when they enter. He beams at them, wiping his hands in his apron.

“Luca had a hunch we'll have guests today, so she made a lot of pizzas.” The siblings and Sakura let out a cheer at the news, pulling their friends up the stairs, Shino's bugs buzzing curiously around them.

* * *

“Look!” Three voices shouted, pointing at the academy gates. Within the mass of freshly minted Genin, a white-haired boy broke off to join their group. Shin beamed at them, brand new Hitai-ate gleaming in the sunlight from his head. The younger kids ran up to him, hugging him all at the same time.

“You're going to be a kick-ass Shinobi, Nii-chan, believe it!”

* * *

They get separated into different teams when they graduate from the Academy. Hinata ends up with Shino and Kiba, who turns white when he hears that. Sai gets two civilian girls, Ebinaga Kiomi and Ositsuka Hikari, while Naruto gets Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke. They complain to each other when they get home, Sakura also joining them.

* * *

Kakashi is walking past the possible-Chuunin when he sees his little siblings signing to each other.

Naruto was standing with a blue-haired kid with glasses, scratching the left side of his head. Hinata was in the middle of the room with her team, arms crossed and one of her fingers tapping in Naruto's general direction. Sai was on the other side of the room, leaning against the wall, facing his siblings and tapping his feet in a specific rhythm. This was the code they had developed years ago after their parents suggested it.

He hurried along to the lounge reserved for the Jounins, searching for Sai's team leader, Tenzou.

“What do we know about a blue-haired kid with glasses?”

“Yakushi Kabuto? Nothing much. Why?”

“Kids found him suspicious. We need to keep an eye on him.”

* * *

A few weeks after the war, the, now, Konoha 11 get together and drink. They try to drink away their sorrows, getting more and more outrageous as the bottles empty.

“Ya know, your Mum was my first crush.” Declares Tenten to Sai, a bottle of sake swishing around in one of her hands. “Guy-sensei called her in to help Lee with something, and I was like '_oooh, she's hot_'. Turns out Lee also liked her.”

“And I liked your Dad. But who the Hell has not crushed on him? Guy's so hot, he could melt ice. Shame he's married.” Ino flopped against Hinata, giggling.

“We should start a club for people crushing on your family. You'd be the president, Shikamaru!” Kiba exclaimed, Akamaru barking in support.

“Unlike some people, I actually bagged one of them. As much as a drag it was.”

“You talk like you actually did something. If I remember correctly, I was the one who kissed you.”

“I bet you'll only lay there with legs open and just moan while Naruto does all the fucking. You're lucky he loves you.”

“Hinata!”

“Oh, stop being such a prude, Shino. It's not like you don't think about making sweet-sweet love to someone. Sweet, sweaty and hot sex under the moonlight.” Shino turned red, muttering about outrageous behaviour while Hinata downed her bottle in one go. “Damn, I need Shin to back me up with this nunnery.”

“I heard this party needed more fun.” Walked in Shin, like he was summoned. Hinata glanced at Naruto, who only waved sheepishly at her.

“Come on, Ankle, there's a bottle around here with your name on it!”

“You know the way into my heart, Sigh.”


	11. A sailor and a singer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief look into Alex and Luca, and how they came to be.

He watches his wife help the triplets with their homework from the doorway. She smiles while explaining something to them, her hair falling down from her bun. She looked so different from what he'd imagined their future would be.

Sometimes he still sees the fourteen-year-old version of her, cold eyes staring into space, so lost and so bloody. Maybe that's the reason they are so happy together. They'd seen each other at their lowest.

* * *

The person who pushes them out of their dimension is Dave. Their rebellion was successful, but they lost friends along the way, and now Lucifer had no other purpose. She'd defeated Mirage, breaking the circle of experiments, trained her team into being the best out there, and now, now that her dream was complete, she felt lost. So Dave convinced her to leave and find herself, and he sent Alex with her too. Alex, who'd only known Wonderland as his family and was dealing badly with their loss. Dave took one look at him, the sunny man a haunted shell of his former self, and pushed him alongside Lucifer.

“Go, heal. Take your time and come back with so many stories, it will take years to tell them all to me. I'll be here, waiting for you.”

* * *

Liz takes them to a clearing in the middle of the woods and he squeezes her hand in understanding. They spend something like five years alone together, in that dimension. They need time to build each other up. They were both men turned into monsters, and now they needed to become men again.

* * *

“I want to change my name.” She tells him one day, the Sun shining down onto them. They are standing on a dirt road, in another dimension. They wanted to experience something new, to grow separately.

“Into what?”

“I don't know yet. I'll tell you when we meet again.” She smiles up to him, and he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

“You'll go left, I'll go right and we'll meet when the circle is complete.” She stands on her tiptoes to give him a farewell kiss, then turns to walk away.

“Go and find me stories, Alex!”

* * *

He joins travelling circus for a while, at the same Lucifer is stuck as a cat while moving across a country that was vary of outsiders. In the next country, she starts working in a bookshop, Alex in the meantime becomes a doctor, leaving behind the circus. They do many odd jobs as they move along, meeting people and learning new things.

Six years after they've split, Alex works as a sailor when he first sees her again. They are in a fairly busy port, waiting for their cargo to be bought when they decide to let loose a little. They had been in the club for a couple of hours when the cabaret singer changed. He would have recognized that figure everywhere. Lucifer walked up the stage, lips as red as the flowers in her hair. She sings about love and promises and he sits there, watching her perform.

“I'm going to ask her to marry me.” He declares to the others when she walks off the stage.

“Good luck, mate. She has someone she's waiting for.”

* * *

“Would this lovely lady mind becoming this poor sailors companion for life?” He asks her when she's back in her dressing room, with her back to him. She spins around, mouth open in shock that quickly turns into a smile as she sprints into his arms.

“Yes!”

* * *

They skip dimension almost immediately, going into a dimension that seems to be frozen in the Medieval Ages. She whispers Luca into his ear while searching for a druid and he points to a willow tree that seems to be older than everything around it. They search for a druid, so they can honour her ancestors, and they hold a hand-fasting under a full moon, to honour his divine father.

“You cannot possess me for I belong to myself But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give You cannon command me, for I am a free person But I shall serve you in those ways you require and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand.“

Her voice fills the clearing, withe dress glowing in the moonlight. He can't help but stare at her, looking so happy and at peace.

“I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night and the eyes into which I smile in the morning I pledge to you the first bite of my meat and the first drink from my cup I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine I shall not slander you, nor you me I shall honor you above all others, and when we quarrel we shall do so in private and tell no strangers our grievances. “

His warmth is back, voice even stronger than before. A part of her wishes the others could be there with them, to share their joy, but she knows that this is their moment, something they need to share only with themselves.

“This is my wedding vow to you. This is the marriage of equals.“

Their voices join at the same time their hands are bound together.

* * *

“Are we going to end up like them?“ Asks Shikamaru when the credits are rolling after the movie they'd watched, squished together on Naruto's couch.

“Only if you have an urge to split ways and become a cabaret singer. But I don't want to become a sailor.“ The blond tells him, biting into his shoulder playfully.

“God no, I have an atrocious voice!“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what I used for the vows, splitting it into two: https://www.myweddingvows.com/cultural-wedding-vows/celtic-wedding-vow  
And in m head, she's singing "Young and beautiful" by Lana Del Ray.


	12. Nara Shikamaru, across periods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title couldn't be any more suggestive than this. I just need to sympathise with someone while also on my period.

His mother told him once that women sometimes sink up their periods after a long time spent together. He forgets that tidbit of information until they are out of town and on a mission. It feels like his organs are committing suicide inside of him, and he doesn't have any pain medicine on him to ease them. He's barely keeping himself upright when Ino starts complaining about everything from the wind to the way Chouji is breathing. He groans, and she snaps at him for not understanding what she's going through.

He can barely contain himself from yelling at her, so he decides to be a better person and leave. He can't escape her though, and they go back to the village with Ino telling him how much of a horrible of a person he is. Instead of going home, he goes to _Wonderland_ and crashes Hinata's room, on the verge of crying.

“Ino again?” She asks him, looking up from her magazine as he slides down next to the wall.

“Yeah. Was bitching all the way back to the village.”

“Poor thing. Do you want me to make you a bubble bath?” She puts down her magazine, and he nods, putting down his pack next to him. They'd done this before, and she didn't even blink when she saw him naked. Her only response was _I live with a lot of guys_.

* * *

He feels content when he sinks into the tub, feeling safe with Hinata on guard for him. She even left him a fluffy bathrobe to use. It takes him almost an hour to get out of the bathroom, and she is waiting for him with hot chocolates and lots of blankets and pillows.

“I told Mum and she said she'd tell your parents that you're staying over.” There's a knock on the door and Luca comes into the room with a tray full of snacks and a bottle he sorely missed before.

“I think Sakura is going to come over soon. They also just got back from a mission.” She sits down onto the bed and pulls a beanbag in front of her, motioning him to sit down. He settles down and she starts working with his hair while Hinata tells him about these new kunai that she saw in one of the villages in Wind that were claimed to be the best thing out there. It felt nice, and he almost fell asleep.

Sakura came in after what seemed like hours, bringing with her an assortment of chocolates and Luca leaves them alone.

“What happened this time?”

“Ino was being more bitchy than usually.” Responds Hinata while searching for a movie to watch.

“I think she just got her period.” He shrugs, sinking into the mess of pillows around him.

“And of course she turns even more annoying than usually. I bet she was all you don't get what I'm going through and shit like that.”

“Fucking late bloomer.”

They talk shit about people around them, watching eclectic movies that would only appeal to someone like Hinata. Said girl laments the absence of her blond brother loudly when Shikamaru tries putting up his hair.

“He's so good with hair. I swear he was born for braiding.” Sakura nods along, leaning against Shikamaru, her legs in Hinata's lap.

“Shame he's out hunting with Uncle, Sai and clone-Shikamaru. It was his idea.”

* * *

The first time he manifest any sign of being Lucifer, they are facing off against a team of Sound Nin. He's fighting against Tayuya, blood-lust singing under his skin to just let go and slip across dimensions to appear in front of her and beat the shit out of her.

He's about to give up the fight when it becomes deafening. He can't really keep it at bay anymore, the need to tear apart and feast from his prey. He lets go of her, closing his eyes to try and get rid of the visual input when he feels his nails digging into his palm, his teeth a little too long to fit comfortably in his mouth and it's like bugs are crawling under his skin and he needs to claw them out. And she just keeps on taunting him, calling him rat, when no he is a monster, not an animal, trapped under human skin and she needs to stop and the voices are getting more louder and closer and...

Temari finds them with his eyes glowing blue and one of his hands holding the girl's heart up against his lips, the body brutalized in front of him. He jumps to attack her too, but she knocks him out with ease.

* * *

He first hears voices when he comes to, too tired to move.

“The girl was barely recognizable when they were found.” It's his father speaking.

“Is he in need of an evaluation?” Inoichi is also there, and he wonders who else is there to judge his little episode.

“You're a couple of years late. He's been having nightmares for years now about my life. It's a wonder he lasted so long without breaking.”

“Is he going to do this again?” Even the Hokage was there?

“That's where we're here. We plan on sealing as much of that beast, no offense honey, as we can. He can't control himself as much as Luca does, so he's a bigger risk. Even bigger than Naruto.”

“This is the best thing we can do for now without hindering his performance. And if we ever come to it...I'll deal with him.”

“And Naruto? Does he pose the same risk?”

“Not really. I'm a lot saner than Lucifer, but I am a god of war. Luckily, we've already dealt with a similar break in his case.”

* * *

Sometimes, when he wakes up with the taste of blood in his mouth and shadows darting around his room, blaming him for their death, he wishes they would have never stepped foot into their dimension. He wants to be normal again, to not bleed every month, to not be on guard on every single mission he takes. He wants the insanity running through his veins gone, to not see flashes of blue in the mirror, Temari to stop looking at him like he's going to slaughter them one day. And he wants Luca to be gone completely, with all her understanding looks and bit off growls.

He falls back asleep while crying for a different life, and he wakes up horrified from those same thoughts. What would have happened to their kids if they would have never taken them in.

* * *

After Naruto returns, his dreams become up-to date. He sees the interior of their house as he's running through the hallway. Something screams inside of him to hurry, hurry before something bad happens, and he bursts through a bathroom door to the sight of a still-in-his-teens Iruka holding a blade to his wrist. _Poppet, put it down, please. We'll fix this._ Please. He sobs as he's pleading the instructor to stop, and he looks up to him, eyes wide and unseeing._ I don't want this_.

The scene changes and he's staring down the Hokage in a bar. His father and Inoichi are standing behind her, boxing her in. He starts speaking, about missions and abortions and he wishes he'd wake up sooner.

He wakes up sweaty and throws up into the bin near his bed. He could have been in the same position. He could have been the one raped again and again until suicide would become a better alternative to living.

During breakfast, while his appetite seems to have disappeared completely, he waits until his mother is out of earshot when he confronts his father.

“Would you have done the same?” His voice is barely above a whisper, and he father looks at him confused.

“Would have done what?”

“When Uncle came over asking for help. To find Lady Tsunade.” His father almost drops his cup of coffee.

“Yes. Without a second thought. But I wouldn't have let you on a mission like that in the first place.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

The Yamanaka residence is still new, the family barely moved in, when Ino drags him over for a talk.

“What was that comment about?” And he tells her everything. It all comes crashing down, from his nightmares to his first kill. He starts crying after a while, hands shaking erratically. Finally, someone looks as shocked as he feels sometimes. His parents and Luca and her family have all become used to it already. Naruto sometimes looked as troubled as he was, but the blond did not have the same dreams as him.

“So, I've been giving you shit about something you know all too well.”

“Pretty much, yeah.” He nods, wiping away his tears, leaning into her shoulder. “You have no idea how many times I wanted to yell at you about how I awful I've felt.”

“And I thought I had it bad.” She let out a laugh, handing him a box of tissues. “Man, you're fucked up.”

“Just as sane as the people around me. At least I can change my appearance a little now.”

“Oooh, show me!” She squeals, sitting up, looking like a kid on their birthday. He pulls out his hair-tie, his hair falling down in a curly, light brown mess. Then he changes his eyes into the signature Yamanaka-teal. Ino gasps, then smiles and tackles him in a hug.

“That's amazing. This could be so useful during missions.”

“Yeah. But I don't want people to find out.” He still remembers his dreams about the crying Iruka with blades against his wrists and him threatening the Hokage with destroying the village. Of dreams about missions where his mouth felt foul as he slept with people only because he was infertile. “I don't want them to use me.”

Ino freezes, then holds him closer, understanding his meaning.

“I'm not going let them.”

They remain like that for a while, then she pulls away, and he leans his head back against the bed.

“I still got the short end of the stick though. I mean, look at her and look at me.”

“Kinda hard to judge when you two belong to two different categories. She's a hot woman with enough confidence to make up for many other things, while you're...you.” He might have looked scandalized at that comment, because Ino raised up her hands in defense. “I mean, you have your own charm, but I'm not the best person to judge it.”

* * *

“Do you want me to give you a massage?” He looks up from his spot on the sofa, curled up against a pillow. Naruto is leaning over him, face concerned.

“Please.” His cramps are even worse than normal, but he still sits up, not letting go of the pillow. Naruto sits down behind him and starts working on his back, his touch warmer than usual. “Are you tapping into your divine powers now?”

“I think you deserve it.”

“You're being corny.” Naruto chuckles, placing a kiss to his nape.

“But am I being troublesome?”

“No. You're being useful.” He closed his eyes, letting out a content sigh as he almost melted into the pillow.

“You know what else is good for cramps? A good old fuck.” That woke him up.

“You shameless little shit!” They burst out laughing, falling against each other. When they calm down, Naruto waggles his eyebrows at him, pulling him closer.

“My offer still stands, Shika.”

“Getting up would be to much of a drag. Let's do something else instead. That does not require moving.” They both fell silent, thinking of things they could do, when he remembered a smiling man with glasses and Alex laughing at something. “We could ask each other five questions that we'd have to each answer with the truth.”

“Oh, I remember that. Mum buried her dolls for fun when she was little, Uncle Blanc could only pee while the TV was running and Dad used to steal towels and make parachutes out of them. Let's do it.”

“A thing only you and,or your family can do?”

“Okay. Don't laugh, but we can all fight in high-heels. And I mean high high-heels.” He almost fell down the couch in shock. Fight in high-heels?

“All of you? Even Kakashi-senpai?”

“Even Kakashi-nii. Dad does it too.”

“Wow, I can't really top that. Mum wanted to teach me how to cook, but she only ended up teaching me how to wield a frying pan.”

“That's a fearsome skill to have. Biggest childhood fear?”

“Losing my family and everyone else dear to me die.” He didn't have to think hard about it. All those nightmares lead to developing this fear.

“I feared becoming lonely again.” He could understand that. Growing up with no-one and suddenly gaining a family would make them fear loss above death any day.

“Do you want a big family?”

“I...never really thought about it.” He leaned his head back onto the couch, shutting his eyes. “I guess I want one. It would be strange to have only one or two kids. You?”

“Never thought about it either. It's still in the future though.”

“As many as you want. Would you use the internet for last-minute gifts or go shopping?”

“I'd go shopping. You don't know when ordered packages turn up.”

“Me too. I just like it better when I can examine things in the real world.”

“If you needed to pick any other job than being a shinobi, what would you choose?”

“A cook. My parents were hard set on us learning to fight under any circumstances, hence the high-heels, and they taught us how to cook too, ya'know? Dad was all like 'my kids won't be stranded in the kitchen when they need to dismember someone', so he had Mum teach us all.”

“I think I'd be a writer or something like that. To work on my own time, with my own schedule. Or maybe a dancer, given Luca's influence.”

“Speaking about Mum, did you know these links go both ways?” He shot up at that. She had known about that resentment and fear all these years, and she did not say anything.

“Fuck, no. That makes things a lot more troublesome.”

“It did save my ass a couple of times.”

“When was your first kill?”

“I was six, my older siblings were gone on missions, Mum was out of the village and us three were at one of the training grounds with Dad. We got separated for a while, and someone tried to kidnap Hinata. Dad was on the other side of the forest, searching for Sai, and all I remember is this warmth enveloping me, and the next moment the guy was dead with a spear in his chest. I did it to protect my family, but it still took me weeks to get over it. Yours?”

“That Sound chick after the Exams. I was at the end of my rope and all I kept hearing was her taunting me and my inner voices telling me to get rid of her. I just snapped when she was attacking me. Temari found me while I was about to eat her heart.”

"That sounds like Mum's first rampage. All the research facility, dead, only because of her." He pulls him even closer, until he's sitting in Naruto's lap.

* * *

Something's wrong with him. He looks at the calendar hung up in their kitchen, counting the days from his last period, and it doesn't add up. He counts the days again, then decides that this needs further examination. Maybe he's becoming infertile like Luca.

He goes over to the phone, grateful that Naruto was out on a mission, and not there too worry over him. Luckily for him, Sakura was free for the afternoon, and she was willing to check him over.

“Should I congratulate you?” She asks him while packing away her equipment. He's pregnant. Two months into it. They didn't plan on having a child any time soon, but they had talked about it. They were open to the idea of children, but they did not feel ready yet.

“I think so?” What was he going to tell Naruto? “What was the village going to think of this?”

“You have a god for a father-in-law. He could help you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My creative juices only lasted until question number 7. Sorry.


	14. The ups and downs of parenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the title says. And the bathroom-incident from a few chapters before is explained here.

He hears the door open and close, then fabric hitting the ground and the water moving around them. He opens his eyes to see his wife settle against the other side of the tub, eyes closed in pleasure and mouth open to let out a content sigh.

“How was your day?” He asked, passing her the body-wash. Their knees bumped together, and she reached out blindly for his other hand.

“Hectic. Kakashi has discovered _Icha Icha_ and Naruto and Hinata charmed the clerk at the store into giving them free copies. And before that, he charmed the owner of the onsen into not banning us for life. Yours?”

“Anko learned the hard way that explosives and cleaning materials don't mix well. And I think Tenzou tried to commit suicide by banging his head against a wall. I might have joined him for a while.”

“And the kids wanted to drown themselves into the water. We might have raised suicidal children. Do you want something to drink?” He nods, and she hands him a glass full of pale yellow liquid.

“Do you think wine is good for the occasion?” She shrugged, taking a gulp from her glass. “Tell me about what happened?”

“An old asshole tried poaching Shin. _Oh, you're such a cute boy, you're going to grow up so handsome_ shit. We were on the other side with Hinata, getting ready to interrupt when Kakashi decided to Katon the guy over to our side. Then all Hell broke loose and I and the kids tried escaping.”

"What happened to the creep?" He sat the glass down onto the ground next to the tub.

"Unfortunately slipped while trying to run away. Tragic."

“And that's when Naruto had to charm the owner?”

“Yup. Then we were walking back home, when Buttercup noticed _Paradise_, Naruto noticed Kakashi staring at that book, and he enlisted Hinata, and the two of them were in the store before I could stop them. Sometimes I hate how efficient our kids are.”

“Talk about your group today. I still can't believe Anko forgot to take all the explosives off her clothes before washing them. The sink, the washing machine and even the hamper were on fire.”

“Please tell me we still have a functioning bathroom there.”

“We still have a functioning bathroom. I got there on time.” She leaned back, tipping the glass into her mouth. He pulled one of her legs up from the water and began massaging it. “Are the kids in their rooms?”

“All of them. Hopefully, we won't have any nightmares tonight.” She opened her legs, putting her glass down onto the tiles next to his. “We still have time until then.”

“We could lots of things until then.” He put down her leg and crawled over to her side. She smiled lazily at him, running a soapy hand through his hair. “I would give up my divinity for you.”

“And I'd give up my sanity and immortality for you.” She leaned up, kissing him. Water sloshed around them as he moved closer, and she pulled him closer.

* * *

“Budge over.” Anko looked up at her mother with teary eyes. She was standing next to her bed, hair wrapped up in a towel and hands on her hips. She did as she was told and Luca sat down next to her, pulling her close. “You know, the other kids have done shit much worse than you, and they're still here. We're not going to turn you away, my little Cobra.”

“Why do you keep calling me that?!” They knew about her past with Orochimaru, so why did they keep calling her a snake.

“The King Cobra is one of the snakes that can eat any poisonous snake. That's why we call you that. We believe that you'll be the King Cobra in this situation, and you'll kill him. And that's when you'll begin anew, without that burden holding you down.” She tapped the curse-mark on her neck, the former three tomoes turned into the ouroboros by Alex. He had managed to turn the corrupted chakra into hers, giving her a boost in power. “Although I still think you have a long road ahead of you. With many flaming washing machines along the road.”

She chocked out a laugh, tears streaming down her face. Her mother pulled her almost into her lap, and they fell asleep cuddled together.

* * *

“Daaaad! What does a wanker mean?” Sai tugged at his pant-leg, his siblings trailing behind him. Alex froze, looking up at his adorable kids, then turned around to look for his older, less cute by the minute son. But Kakashi was nowhere to be seen.

“Where did you hear that?” He asked in an overly sweet voice, his eight-year-olds shuddering a little.

“The Ninja with a senbon said it to another ninja.” Said Hinata, pulling her backpack closer to her.

“It is a bad word you should not use where Mommy and I can hear you until you're at least twelve. Understood?” They all nodded, then scampered off, possibly to find Tenzou.

* * *

“Dad? Is it bad if I don't want to have relations with anyone?” Alex wanted to yell '_why me?!_' into the universe when Kakashi approached him one day. Why didn't his kids go to Luca with these kinds of questions?

“It's not bad. It's a normal part of life.” He put his book down, resisting the urge to rub his eyes, and looked up to his son. “It's called asexuality if you don't want a more physical relationship, and aromanticism if you don't want an emotional relationship. It's not a bad thing. There are other sides to sexuality. For example, Luca and I are pansexuals, since your mother changes shapes regularly and I could do it too.” He stood up, placing his hands onto his son's shoulders. “You have nothing wrong with you. If someone else says so, they'll be dead by morning. We won't let someone hurt you.”

He was speaking for all their family.

* * *

“Mum? Could you please do an intervention?” Anko looked at her sheepishly, and Luca turned to her from washing the dishes.

“Who needs it?” There was a boy behind her daughter with red swirls on his cheeks, sniffling softly into his sleeves. “Oh, Chouji. Com'ere.”

They had volunteered to baby-sit the Ino-Shika-Cho kids for date night, and apparently, they got into a fight. The kid ran up to her, crying into her embrace, as she murmured soothing things to him.

“I know what would make you happier.” She pulled away from the child, guiding him over to the stools next to the island. Then she pulled out wine glasses and placed them down in front of him. “When I was younger, my mother and I used to do this when I was feeling down. We'd sit down, and she'd pull out the wine glasses, the raspberry juice concentrate and mix it with water. It looked like our red wine, and it was our little thing to share.” She was doing the same things she was talking about, pushing the end result over to him. “So, what happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing does not usually make you cry, but okay. What was this nothing?”

“Am I going to be lonely forever because I am fat?” The boy looked so heartbroken, it took physical effort on her part to not hug him to death.

“Of course not, Chouji. It's going to be okay. One day, you'll end with someone dear to you that'll love you for your good qualities and bad as well. And people come in different sizes and shapes, so people should not shame you about your body. Besides, you're a kind, smart little man who sees the best in everyone. Those qualities are the best someone can have. A loss in Monopoly should not make you doubt yourself.”

* * *

There was a knock on his door and a pale Shikamaru slid into his office. The kid looked ready to bolt, and Alex put on his best smile to ease up his tension.

“Hi there, Shikamaru! How can I help you?”

“Hokage-sama, I think I need your help.” He sat down onto one of the chairs in front of his desk, and Alex put down the folder he was reading. This reminded him of his talk with Kakashi about sexuality.

“What's the matter, Shikamaru?” The boy had his hands around his stomach, hugging himself.

“I'm...you're going to be a grandfather.”

“And are you okay with this?” He wanted to hug the kid in his excitement, but Shikamaru looked too troubled for that.

“I am. But that's not why I want your help. What will the others think when they find out about this kid? What will this do to his future?”

“And you need me to normalize this for everyone. Understandable. Are you sure about this, Shikamaru?” But he could see that Shikamaru had already decided. If they wanted to keep everything peaceful, he needed to intervene on a bigger scale, not just the village.

“Yes. I don't want this to endanger us. Or the child.”

When the boy left, he pulled out a map, placing it onto the now vacated desk. His folders were all over the ground around them. He smoothed out the paper, and let power wash over him. Warm golden glow enveloped him and the map, and it suddenly sprung to life, mountains, villages and forests rising from it and waters started to move around it. His shadow turned hawk-like as his eyes started glowing even brighter. He started chanting and the world's code spiralled up from the map. He waved one of his hands, and the codes changed, breaking apart and he pulled out some hieroglyphs, changing them. With a simple wave, everything reverted to normal, and he was packing away the map, his task done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R.I.P. Genma. You could have avoided it.  
And I'm kinda projecting again. Greysexual over here, writing about romance and sex like I know what I'm talking about. But I do read a lot of smut.


	15. What if...See through my eyes, pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an experimental chapter that'll have a couple more follow-ups. In these chapters, I'll be exploring different situations and different pairings, so get ready for anything.
> 
> In this chapter, Lucifer only comes into the dimension when Shikamaru almost dies, and this time, she's alone. Only a kid can see her, and she only has influence over the world through said kid. And this Lucifer is a lot more vulgar than the one from the rest of the story.

“Where the fuck...shit! Come on kid, move something. That's it! Grab onto that tree for support, not me! Come on, we need to go. That's it, let's go home. Pull yourself up, it's going to better when you're standing. Yes, you can do it! Don't make me possess you. If you want to see your family again, you're going to put one foot in front of the other and walk back home. That's it, kid. Grab onto the trees for support. They should be looking for you already. Don't you dare fall asleep. And don't you fucking strip off that jacket or I'll make your life hell. Yes, that's a real path, you're not hallucinating. Voices! Yes! Go that way kid. C'mon, one leg in front of the other, just like that. Is that your father? No! Don't stop when you're so close. Move, damnit! It's not too troublesome! Get on with it before you freeze to death! Yes! A couple of more steps. Ignore your head for now, we'll deal with it later. One leg before the other, just a couple of more minutes. No, you can do this! Kid, it's going to be okay, you just need to move. Is that him? Yell! He's coming. No, that does not mean you can stop! Get on with it!... You stop now. You did it.”

* * *

Nara Shikamaru, aged seven, is found one January morning with a concussion and hypothermia after he'd been missing for the previous night. He had slipped during training in the Nara forest and hit his head on one of the rocks. He wakes up to snowfall and a purple-haired woman pacing around in front of him.

He stared at her, trying to figure out if he was hallucinating her being see-through enough to see the trees behind her. She notices him staring at her, and she starts speaking, urging him to move, and as he starts walking, she yells at him to keep on walking, and to not stop. So he keeps on walking through the snow until his father finds him, and he can collapse in peace. When he awakens, he believes he'll never see the purple-haired woman again, but she's there in the corner of his room, floating in a meditative stance, eyes closed.

“Who are you?” Her eyes snap open, catlike and glowing blue.

“Glad you're awake, kid.” She unfolds from her position, walking towards him.

“I'm Lucifer. In a way, I'm you.”

* * *

He comes down with pneumonia, and maybe Lucifer was just a figment of his imagination. And she even disappears for a while, but she comes back when he feels better and he's allowed out of his room. She's there with his family, looking around.

“Nice place. A little too Eastern for my tastes, but still homey enough.” He stares at her, but his parents seem to not notice the strange woman floating around the house. They go around like normal, and he plays along.

“Why are you here?” He asks her once his mother leaves his room. Lucifer chuckles, sitting down onto the ground next to his bed.

“I was pulled here when you almost died out there, kid. Trust me, I'd rather be in my own dimension, but here I am, guiding you along into becoming me.”

“Becoming...you?”

“Think of it as an octopus with many, many legs that it has dipped in multiple tanks. We're both legs, part of one being, but still different. I'll tell you more as you grow older, kid, but this is enough for you right now.”

“I'm smarter than most.” He pouts and she laughs at him, standing up to ruffle his hair. He feels a shock of electricity run through him when she touches head, but nothing else changes.

“I know. But that's a lot of information to give out, and we don't want people to notice this. After all, only you can see me. Now, go to sleep kid, you're still healing.”

* * *

He gains a snarky companion after that incident, who follows him around no matter what happens.

“So you three are in an already established team with special techniques that have been passed down many generations?” He taps yes to her. They are training indoors now, to avoid further accidents, and Ino is scolding Chouji over something. “I wonder how you guys haven't managed to kill other teams so far. If their techniques clash with yours, it might be fatal. And if someone is inexperienced with you guys, that also would be fatal. You need to open up more, add more people so you can lessen the casualty count.” She muses next him, head cocked to the side as she watches the children fight. He knew that. He tried telling his father the same thing, but the decision ultimately depended on the council.

* * *

“Finally! I was getting bored to death by seeing the same people over and over again!” She exclaimed as they were walking to the Academy.

“You'll see the same people again and again there too after a while.” He deadpanned, the passer-by's giving him strange looks.

“They'll still be new for a while. And maybe we'll see the Feathers-copy too!” A few weeks ago they'd seen a blond kid running through the streets, and Lucifer perked up. She recognized him as someone's copy from her dimension. When they were back in his room, she told him about how other people were like them too, but they were not aware of this and only Lucifer could freely travel across dimensions. Horus, according to her, was her closest friend, a god walking the Earth. She told him many stories about their adventures, and now Shikamaru was anxious about meeting the blond boy.

* * *

“Hellooo teacher. Mind if I do some extra credit?” She purred out, licking her lips, even though only Shikamaru could see her. Umino Iruka was an aesthetically pleasing man, but that did not warrant that reaction. Lucifer floated over to the front of the class, moving to stand behind the instructor. She ran her hands over his arms, leaning in closer to lick his neck. He wanted to groan at her antics. She kept up the act for a couple of weeks, flirting with the instructor even though he could not hear or feel her.

* * *

“The Horus-copy smells wrong.” She told him on the way home a month later. “He needs help. Big time.”

“I'm eight and you are nothing more than a ghost. What do you propose?” He shot back at her, turning down to a side-street so they could talk.

“A couple of seeds, a book on how to grow them and a cook-book. Make him self-sufficient.” She lent against the wall, looking thoughtful. “And this way maybe we can secure his loyalty. Think about it, Shikamaru. The Uzumaki were a strong clan, and he has a little companion that boosts him even more.”

“Who?”

“That's for you to find out, kid.” She stiffened before he could respond, looking back to the street they came from. “Get moving. I think you're being followed.”

They weaved through the streets in a hurry, ducking into a more populated area where they'd lose his mysterious shadow easier until they reached the Nara compound. There was indeed someone following him, blank white mask glaring down at them from a rooftop. He gave them the one-fingered salute, per Lucifer's instructions, and went inside, ready to tell his parents about them.

* * *

The seeds and books are a success, and they have the blond kid swear his eternal friendship to Shikamaru.

Lucifer also starts training him, fearing an attempted kidnapping in his future. She has him going at training dummies for hours on end, and when he's finished with his fighting, she's teaching him how to change his shape. It felt weird. It felt natural and at the same time so wrong.

There are times were Lucifer does possess him. When there are attackers against him, and she knows he'll not be able to get rid of them on his own. He's like a passenger in his own body, watching her tear them down with bored and precise moves.

* * *

_ I have a real monster inside me._

It rings through his head, keeping him up from his naps. Lucifer is lazing near him, tail swishing around the air lazily, purring softly. They have monsters inside them. Jinchuuriki. He voices that thought out, and she nods in response, confirming his suspicion. So she was having him befriend the Jinchuuriki of the Nine-Tailed Fox.

“What makes a monster?” He asks out loud, and Lucifer sits up, tilting her head to look at him.

“The actions of one. They may try to repent, but right then and there, they're a monster. You can change back into a man after that, but some faults run too deep. They leave marks on your soul that nothing can cover. And even so, some labels will never be removed.” He sees the villagers pointing at Naruto in his mind's eye, calling him things. For something, he had nothing to do with. Then he turned to Lucifer, staring at her purple and pink highlighted hair, the leather jacket with the skull staring back at him, and he tried slotting her into the category of 'monster'. She turns to him, blood-red lips stretched into a smile over razor-sharp teeth, and he still has problems with it. He grew up with this woman shadowing him, flirting with his teachers and urging him to never stop.

“I'm a monster too, kid. I've been one for a long time. I would give anything to return to being normal, but it's my situation for now, so I got used to it.” She turns into a striped cat, moving to lay on his stomach, kneading it.

“Am I going to be a monster too?” He asks, laying back onto the grass and closing his eyes.

“It's your decision. A ninja lifestyle is not an easy way to avoid becoming a monster in the eye of many. Just make sure you have friends who see you for the real you.”

* * *

“Let me possess you.” She whispers into his ear when he's staring down Tayuya, limbs heavy from exhaustion. He considers his options and takes a deep breath.

“Do it.” He says out loud, and the girl looks at him weirdly, thinking he'd addressed her. Electricity zaps through his whole being, and suddenly his legs are moving and he's jumping away from her. It takes her a couple of minutes to dispatch the girl, and he feels ashamed of how long it took him to even attack her.

* * *

“He looks even better older.” She purrs into his ears when they see Naruto again after he returns from his trip. “You should convince them to have a little fun with you.” He blushes at her suggestion, staring pointedly at the pole behind the blond. Lucifer chuckles, then moves to stand behind Naruto, her tail curling around his wrist.

“I think now you could copy him perfectly just from the scent alone. You could explore to your heart's content.” He ignores her, trying to focus on the discussion around him. He sends a brief glare into his direction, to which she sticks out her tongue. “What? Do I look like your moral compass to you?”

* * *

“Let's kill him.” She whispers into his ear one sleepless night after Asuma's death. He can feel her arms around him, her tongue licking his neck, and he doesn't have to look to know that both of their eyes are glowing blue.

* * *

He's staring down Hidan and Kakuzu and his world zeroes down onto them. Lucifer is standing between them, smiling coyly at him, until she bends down and licks the blood off Kakuzu's hands. It's time to make his choice.

There's a cut on his cheek that's now starting to bleed. His eyes are locked with hers as he suddenly springs to life, managing to cut Hidan with his attack. The Akatsuki laughs at his measly attempt, but he pays him no mind, stuck in his head. He tips his head back, holding the bloody kunai above him to let the blood drip into his mouth. It feels delicious, and Lucifer is behind him suddenly, arms snaked around his torso and head resting on his shoulder. She licks the blood running down his cheek, purring with pleasure.

“Tear him apart, kid. Show him what he angered.”

He moves again, jumping at the enemy with renewed vigour and eyes glowing blue. There are streaks of purple in his hair and a crater forms where his punch lands.


	17. What if...Flying with melted wings, pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Horus was the one that entered the Naruto universe alone. He and Lucifer get separated from the group on a mission, and the attackers manage to neutralize their bio-chips. Lucifer is wounded and she can't heal herself, so she decides that one of them has to live. He wakes up in a strange dimension and his main goal becomes finding Lucifer. And if he sleeps with almost everyone he meets on the road, welp...he has to have fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, I don't usually give out detailed character descriptions, but I feel that Horus needs this. So imagine a 7,7 ft tall, golden-eyed cross between Jason Momoa and Nick Bateman walk around there. Walking wet-dream if you ask me.  
Also, keep in mind (and I'm speaking for Lucifer as well), if you haven't noticed this before, but they have fucked up morals. They are not proud of them, but this is how they operate. It's part of their lives by now, and it's hard to part from something they're so used to.

Horus knew he had spent too much time with Lucifer when the first thing that comes out if his mouth when he wakes up is “_Why the fuck am I short?_”. Then he freezes. His voice is squeaky as Hell. Dave would bust a nut from laughing at him. Something white moves in his peripheral vision, and that's when he notices the older man looking at him with wide black eyes. He stops his inner monologue about height to categorize the rest of his body. Small kid, he'd already known that. Almost malnourished, dressed in head to toe orange and bloody all over.

“Who the shit am I?” He asks the guy, cringing at the sound of his own voice. He really needs to change it. And his height.

“Naruto...What do you mean? Don't you remember who you are?” That brings a tidal wave of memories over him. Memories of the body he's inhabiting, of a childhood spent in an orphanage again, in a village that shunned him. Of flopping his classes in school and dreaming of becoming Hokage. A team out of his nightmares with a little avenger who would have been like Lucifer if not for the fact that he did not know teamwork for shit. Then a fox and the training with the white haired pervert.

“Kid's dead man. I was sent here from another dimension.” And to prove his point, he drops his voice to its original deepness and elongates his limbs to what he remembers was their length when he was fourteen.

“Who the Hell are you?!”

“A god, boyo. I'm a god of the sky.” He smiles at the man, warm and welcoming, manipulating his emotions a little. He'll never forget fighting with the other gods about who would be the one to enter this dimension. They ended up drawing sticks, and Jahweh, the youngest one, had won. They were so giddy with excitement, Horus couldn't help himself to hate them. He got the angels modelled after him for this little show of fate. He watched everything that happened down there with interest until he got pulled down there by the Organization.

* * *

He stares at his reflection in the mirror. This body would have better suited Ra, not him. Sky blue eyes and blond hair that could rival the sun screamed sun god. He preferred darker hair and golden eyes, a reflection of his animal form, but he couldn't really change those things without raising suspicion. The pervert is off, drinking somewhere, and he chose to remain in the hotel room.

“I don't even need to shave yet.” He murmurs to himself as he steps into the shower, deep in his thoughts. Why was he the only person here? Coldwater sprayed down onto him, and he moved to wash the blood off his chest. Lucifer was to blame for this. He moved his hands up to his arms, only to freeze.

_“I want you to survive this, Alex.” Her hair was purple and sticking to her skin from_ _the blood. Blood was running down her chin and her eyes were fading into violet from blue. She's dying. He doesn't know how, but she's slowly fading away. They were trapped and only crossing dimensions would save them._

_ “No. Liz. We could get out of here. Please, let's get out of here, together.” His voice is breaking and blood is turning her clothes red. _

_ “No, Alex. I can't go on for much longer. But you can. Please, forgive me.” The door is being pounded on, and she looks back, startled. He has never seen her so scared and vulnerable before. He tries to stand up at the same time she lounges at him, arms circling around him. He feels her warmth on him, her weight limp in his arms as they fall into another dimension. The last thing he sees is her eyes dull violet, tears running down from them._

He moves on autopilot, finishing his shower and drying himself with an empty look on his face. He's pulling his shirt down when he breaks, falling down onto the ground sobbing. He's all alone now.

* * *

He joins Jirayia in his travels, searching for Lucifer. He knows she has to be there somewhere in this world. It's the only thing that keeps him going. The hope that he'd see his family again. It fills him up with hope every time he sees the rose-red of Sparky on a random woman, a certain flavour of chocolate that Dave went nuts for. He's ready to jump at any striped cat that crosses his path.

He builds up his old body in the meantime. He exercises like crazy, trying to regain his muscles without divine intervention. He begins learning everything Naruto failed to, quizzing the other pervert as much as he can. They are an unlikely duo, Horus charming people with ease while Jiraiya more often than not comes across as creepy. They get drunk, laughing and crying about the past. He reads everything he can get his hands on, including the Icha Icha books. Those make him laugh, reminding him of books they'd read out loud to make each other laugh.

The fox sealed inside of him is less easy to warm up to. It trashes around like a fish caught on a hook, yelling about being the embodiment of hatred, and it reminds him of Seth. He waits until it runs out of steam before making his move. He can't summon fear like Lucifer, but turning into a humongous bird-headed version of him drives his point home just as easily. He'd need to kill entire dimensions anyway to earn that biological reaction to run away.

* * *

“What do you really look like?” He contemplates his answer while skinning their dinner. There's no town nearby to offer them a roof over their head, so they have to prepare their own meals. And _they_ means him cooking with Jiraiya watches. He was becoming of this body, with the demon-fox sealed inside of him and the whisker-marks stretching over his cheeks.

“I haven't shown it to you?” He turns to the other man, the fire making his eyes look amber. He grins, as his body changes to his old form, tattoos blooming into life across his skin and hair darkening until it looks black in the night. Jiraiya gasps at him, and Horus puts down his knife to examine his hands. “I should keep my tattoos. Shame the hair has to go.” He looks back at his companion, who looks suddenly troubled. He tilts his head to the side, eyes zoning into the deep blush taking over the white haired mans cheeks. Oh, so that's why he's so quiet. His power runs rampant in this body more easily. And it drew in people like a flame did moths.


	18. What if...Flying with melted wings, pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world seems to darken around Horus as he slowly loses hope. He can't find Lucifer, and with every passing day, he starts liking this new world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm only a few months away from finally getting my BA degree and other university-related stuff keeps piling up, so I don't exactly have the time to write for fun. Hopefully, things will get easier to handle, but until then, I'm sorry, but all my stores are on hold. Hope you guys have a great year!

He feels like screaming. His throat aches and his eyes burn, but he keeps on flying. He wants to get as far away from Konoha as he can do without alerting someone of his disappearance.

His search has ended, but instead of Lucifer, he found a child. There was a kid in place of his teammate, who was barely sixteen and had no blood clinging to him. All innocence and nothing left of the darkness which made up Lucifer. He saw nothing of her in his face, angular and lacking her softness. He tried searching for the familiar violet in his dark eyes, trying to find something similar to her, but he couldn't find anything. She was gone, and he was all alone.

Horus fled after that realization, trying to leave everything behind. He was all alone again, and he wanted to be back with the gods again, to be far removed from his human past. Two voices were screaming in his head at him, relieving every single moment of being alone in the past. He just wanted Lucifer to be with him again, to be able to return to his family. Flying had helped him calm down, to clear his mind before, but now, he felt just as uneasy. He needed to rebuild his life, again. He needed a new goal in life. Maybe fulfilling the kid's dream of becoming the Hokage. Or maybe he could open a bar. Or continue travelling. But that was in the future.

* * *

He feels at home in Suna, the sun warm and the air dry against his skin. He took a deep breath, centring himself and watching his teammates wander around. He should be alongside them worrying about the missing Kazekage, but...he just couldn't bring himself too. Maybe he needed help, but who would understand?

They leave with a woman who looks at him strangely like she sees the real him, but he shrugs it off and soldiers on. They won't reach the kidnappers on time, most likely. The Akatsuki weren't known for keeping people alive for long, and they were far away from their base. They would have needed either an earlier notice or fever people to get this done.

“Sakura.” He dropped back next to his teammate, kicking his plan into action.“There's a great possibility of us not getting there on time. You'll need to be on guard after we get there. You're going to play a crucial role. You focus on saving Gaara's life, I'll handle the rest. Understood?” He flashed her a charming smile, trying to calm her down. “I believe in you, Sakura-chan!”

The other team they meet is an eccentric one. They still can't each his old team's level of uniqueness, but they'll do for a while. They join forces and end up in front of a sealed cave. And the jounin are having the bright discussion of splitting up. In front of the enemy, who were in an unknown number and expecting them.

“I can deal with it. Step back.” His eyes glow gold as he lets his tattoos bloom across his skin. Reaching out, he breaks the connection between the anchors and the stone in front of him, pulverizing the blockage at the same time. Shocked expressions greet him from the other side, the Akatsuki positioned strategically, awaiting them, with a limp red-head on the ground between them.

Alex might not be as good as Lucifer at recognizing parallel versions of people, but he'd grown to love the same aura in his old dimension. Dave. Gaara was this dimensions version of Blanc. And he had failed him by not being there on time. He knew of his importance to Naruto, but this changed everything. He should have cared more. He should have pushed them to move harder. Lucifer was dead, but at least Shikamaru was alive, but Gaara...he saw red. The Akatsuki remaining there were not going to live until sunset.

“Let's play a game, shall we? You run, and I'll hunt you down!”

* * *

“Why are you avoiding me?” Horus freezes mid-step. He's searching for a possible candidate for their team, deep in his thoughts, and he didn't notice the people milling around him. He slowly turns around to face Shikamaru, sheepishly scratching his head.

“Avoiding you? Why do you think I'm doing that? I just got back from a mission.” He was only doing it to get used to the idea of Lucifer, alongside his hope of returning home, being gone.

“I don't know. But you did flee that one time and the rest are bent on saying that you're avoiding me, and it's getting really troublesome to listen to them.” One hand on his hips and the other tugging at his hair, and fuck, if that wasn't like Liz.

“Look, Shikamaru, it's a long story.”_ That would maybe be too much to handle._ But he sees his eyes sharpening. Both sets of memories show them as blood-hounds when it came to mysteries, so he has to resign himself to putting his search on hold. “And knowing you, you wouldn't stop until you find out every detail of it” He turns, starting to walk towards a sign that proclaims the house on the corner in front of them is a tea-house. “Come on, kid. It's better to talk in an enclosed space, sitting down.” And besides, it would be easier to deal with their little tail once there are fewer people to focus on.

It's a small little room, full of old ladies who fawn at him when he flashes them a smile. He strides in like he owns the place and requests somewhere private, winking at the flushed girl. They are offered a backroom, and he seals the door when their tea is served.

“I'm not Naruto.” Short, sweet and to the point. The kid merely raises an eyebrow at him, sipping his tea quietly and with as much judgment as he can muster up. “Brat died at the beginning of their travels with Jiraiya, and I took over his body when we crash-landed in this dimension with my injured partner.”

“And how does this concern me? Do I look like your partner or did I accidentally hurt them?”

“I'm not exactly the best person to explain dimensions and crossing them. My partner could cross them with no problem at all, jumping from body to body like it was nothing. But she was injured this time, and our attackers did something that made healing impossible for her.” He stared at the table, trying to not lock eyes with the boy. “As you might have guessed, to enter a dimension we had to inhabit bodies that were similar to ours. I ended up in Naruto and Lucifer...Liz should have taken over you in some form.”

“What are you?” _As it looks like, not someone very compelling_._ There was an easier way to do this. Just look him in the eye and hope Lucifer left more than just a passing shiver and some mannerisms in the boy. Push them into their head-space and into their memories._ The familiar feeling of falling into the abyss washes over him, and he offers up memories to the always-changing cloud that represents Lucifer's true form. The wash over him, memories of laughter, joy, blood and hurt and the scent of gunpowder and the biting pain of a wound. Of fleeting touches, short red hair against his skin and violet eyes full of love. Of falling across dimensions with a limp body in his arms and the desperation of searching for a way home. When they are back in their reality, the kid is white-faced and wide-eyed, breathing heavily. So Horus just leans back, sipping his tea and waiting for him to calm down and process everything.

“You know I'm not her, right?” He raises an eyebrow at that question, absentmindedly blowing smoke at the ceiling.

“I know. I'm just still in my grieving period.” He leaned forward, elbows on the table and eyes glowing gold. “Are you going to freak out?”

“Maybe later. When I'm alone and no one can question me talking about being a woman. What are you going to do?”

“I'm going to look out for you as much as I can, as a starter. To not let Lucifer's legacy go to waste. Then I'm going to do as I please. I'm a god with nobody else to stop or control my movements.” They sat in silence after that, Shikamaru staring at Horus and Alex smoking.

“Are you going to get involved with me too?” The kid looked close to fainting, and Horus let out a laugh.

“Would you want me to?” Bright blush and averted eyes. Possibility of a future hook-up, after he would get over his grief.

“Maybe?”

“Maybe is not 'yes', kiddo. But I'll be open to any ideas you'll get in the future.” He stood up, placing money down onto the table. “And my door will be also open if you ever need me, okay kid?” Shikamaru nodded slowly, turning back to the table to finish his tea.

* * *

“So, you were my little shadow the other day.” The blank-faced boy blinks up at him, eyebrow raised, closing his book.

“You knew of my approach?” He smirks at the boy, shaking his head.

“We're on different levels, buddy.” A hint of emotion at that. Horus just shrugged his shoulders, turning towards Sakura to ask her about her studies and progress at the hospital.

* * *

“Well, this is different.” The jounin that showed up was not familiar, who looked vaguely uncomfortable. “I was expecting Kakashi to lead the mission. But, I'm not complaining. Hello there, Captain.” He winked at the brown-haired ninja, who blushed in response. Sakura snickered at his antics, and Sai just returned to his book about making friends.

* * *

The relationship between Horus and Yamato was shaped by their first introduction. And during their mission, he had managed to sway Sai's loyalties, getting rid of Kabuto and Orochimaru.

_ “Go, Sasuke. Gather a team and avenge your family. And after you'll be done with your brother, return to me and try to defeat me. As fast as you can before I become more powerful.”_ Both Uchiha were weak-willed when it came to matters outside of their family. He could manipulate them as much as he could, both playing into his hands.

* * *

“Are you free tonight, Yamato?” White porcelain mask turns to the side, the ANBU in question being confused by his sudden question. He had managed to bully Tsunade into making him an ANBU member, and he had ended up on the same shift with the Jounin that caught his eye. He chuckled, plucking off his mask to show him who he was talking to. Yamato let out a surprised gasp, and Horus winked at him, putting his mask back before anyone else could see his face. “So, Cat, what do you say? You and me with some dinner and good wine? My treat and place.”

“Am I not a little too old for you?”

“Actually, the other way around.” After all, he was a god who had been around since before the world even existed.

“If I agree, will you tell me the explanation for that?”

“Sure.”


	19. The Chūnin Exams, pt 1(featuring protective parents)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting back to the original story-line with the Chūnin Exams, that will eventually lead up to Naruto and co going to retrieve Tsunade. Welcome to the world of impossibly strong shinobi, threatening and scary kids, and sexual awakenings! Featuring Supernatural references.

“Are you seriously thinking that you can just have a say in our life?!”

Tsunade slowly slid her chair backwards, reaching for one of her hidden bottles of sake. This was going to be an amazing argument between the Council and an enraged ex-assassin. Her hair was flashing in multiple colours, while her husband stood behind her, staring them down menacingly.

“You believe you can just waltz in and decide who he'll choose as his future spouse when you have no right to do so? How fucking delusional can you be?”

Her appearance slowly melted away as both her and husband straightened up. Alex, who always seemed to have a jovial air around him, even when serious, turned deadly. The warmth around him became scorching, burning the very air they were breathing. Luca, on the other hand, changed her physical appearance completely. She became taller, her mane of hair turning into a close-cropped purple and pink mess. Her kimono fell down, her figure no longer suiting the article. Blue eyes glowed at them from a scar-covered face, and red-tinted lips were drawn into a ferocious smile, displaying her sharp canines.

“Trust us, asswipes.” her voice came out gargled, waving around her hands dramatically. “You don't want to mess with us. I'm itching to destroy, kill and feast upon my prey. One wrong move against us...and the village's gone. Easy as pie, right?” And she kept on changing, slowly losing all semblance to humanity and turning into a monster they'd never seen the like before. “Do something stupid, and you're going to see all your ancestors.”

She disappeared with one last growl, eyes flashing dangerously. Horus just glared at the elders, then turned to leave, his shadow bearing wings. These were the people who had the loyalty of the strongest ninja's of the village.

* * *

“Are they letting kids take the exams now too?” A girl from Grass remarked to her group when the Konoha genin entered the room the exam as going to be held in. “Or are their ninjas so shitty, they need multiple candidates?”

“I suppose they needed people to fill out the places when the rest inevitably fail.” Remarked Shin, slinging his arms over Sai's shoulder. “But please, do feel free to embarrass yourself first. We'll need to laugh at someone, and Kiba doesn't always cut it.”

The supervisors stepped in before the others could respond. They all settled down, sitting down on separate sides of the room, doing seemingly random moves with their hands.

* * *

“Will I need to make an intervention?” Gentle fingers were running through her hair as her mother pulled it back from her face. Hinata hummed, filing her nails.

“I don't know...Anko-nee and the rest will be there, but we can never be too certain.”

“I'll be around then. And your dad will be running outside interventions.” She started braiding her hair back, pulling it tight so it wouldn't budge during the next part of the exams. “Be sure to watch out for your brothers, sweetheart. And show the rest how much you are your parents' daughter.” Their eyes connected in the mirror, both smirking at each other.

“I will mum.”

* * *

“Sand-siblings incoming.” Murmured Sakura, her hand moving to her weapons-pouch. Naruto cracked open an eye, Hinata shrugged her shoulders, Shin looked around in seeming disinterest while Sai looked pleadingly at them from a distance, wishing to get away from his teammates.

“We should corner them sometimes soon. Or have Mum trash around the red-heads head for a little. Kurama says his brother is not exactly sane.”

“How about after we're done with the task? We send home Sasuke and the rest, and we stand guard. Make sure no one intervenes.”

“I'll take the sister.” Volunteered Shin, sounding all too-eager.

“And get yourself a new girlfriend?”

“I wouldn't complain if that happened.”

* * *

“I wouldn't go that way if I were you.” Shikamaru stared down at the Suna-boy from his vantage point on a tree. Thanks to the many games of tag his Aunt's family had, they knew the Forest of Death almost by heart.

“And why would I listen to you?” The red-head sneered up at him, and something like sand-particles flashed into view for a second.

“Because there's a snake in there that's really deadly. And a beast that is even more dangerous than the snake.” Just as he finished his warning, a sense of dread swept over them, and the Suna-nin grew even paler. “Told ya. Better run into the other direction.” He turned around, going back to his own team, his job done.

* * *

“What are you planning?” The puppeteer one asked the Triplets, who were lounging around their designated room. His siblings froze behind him, in the doorway.

“Trying out how comfy the furniture is. For future purposes.” Said the brown-haired guy in a bored brawl.

“We're planning to have an orgy with you guys.” The dark haired girl winked at them, twirling one of the longer strands of hair framing her face. “I even brought the lube and the toys.”

“Hinata, we're not using ball-gags again. Or monster dildos.” Warned her the tallest sibling, face completely serious.

“Oh fuck you, asshole. That's my favorite part.” Kankuro couldn't help but stare at them, his siblings donning the same shocked expression.

“To be fair, sis, that one guy from a few months back is still traumatized. And paralyzed.”

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

“Assbutts.” They all froze, then burst out laughing, almost rolling around the floor. They would have kept at it for much longer if Gaara hadn't gotten impatient with them. There was a silvery glint, and suddenly several weapons were pointed at the red-head.

“Don't even think about it, raccoon boy.” The girl hissed at him, eyes glinting dangerously.

“We wouldn't want to dispatch you, right, brother?” He could swear the blond's eyes turned gold for a while.

“Why are you here?” Ground out Temari. They lowered their weapons, moving back into their original positions.

“We wanted to talk about your little ball of sandy rage over there. And since your dear old father has left for greener pastures, we figured this would be the best time to sit down with you.”

“The Kazekage's gone?”

“Yes. Abandoned ship when Mum cornered him during the exam. And if you don't want any troubles either, you'll sit down and listen us. Quietly.”

“And if you don't act out during the exams, and show us you can behave, we'll let you leave without any incident. But if you don't...you can count on our family going after you.”

When they left, after threatening them once more for good measure and promising more tales, the door swung open to reveal two other ninjas. One had shoulder length grey hair and looked to be Temari's age, while the other guy had brown hair and large black eyes. Both smiled at the other ninja wen the blond gave them a thumbs up.

* * *

“How much are we betting on a Hyuuga versus Hyuuga match?” Asked Shin, plopping down between Anko and Yamato to watch the rest of the preliminary matches. He had gone up against one of Sai's teammates, beating the little civilian easily. Sasuke and Shino had beaten Orochimaru's lackeys before his match, while a third one was going up against the Sand puppeteer next.

“I don't think they're going to do that now. Most likely they will draw out the tension and suspense by having them duke it out in the Finals.” Quipped Yamato. Anko nodded along, watching Kankuro with narrowed eyes.

“Sooo, Uzumaki vs Uchiha will happen then too. That'll draw the masses in too.” Tsurugi went down, and up next were Sakura and Ino. They started out on equal ground, but as soon as Ino tried possessing Sakura, the pinkette snapped.

“You fucking bitch!” And with that, the blonde girl was slammed face first into the ground, leaving an indent there.

“That was more satisfying than it should have been.” Whistled Yamato, his siblings nodding along. Sakura walked over to them, collapsing onto the ground near Anko.

“That was impressive.” She congratulates her, while the younger girl just nods in response, trying to regulate her breathing. Next up, Sai demolishes one of Shin's teammates, and Tenten is easily beaten by Temari.

“Guy-sensei should really teach her more tricks. Or have someone else do it.” Sakura mentions, disappointment clear on her features. Sai nods along, then slides forward. All of them turn their full attention to the next match.

Shikamaru versus Kin Tsuchi, who looked too overconfident for a person going up against Lucifer's best pupil. She uses senbon, and while they are effective when it comes to long-range attacks, they don't do much against her opponent. Ducking under her attack, he gets close enough land a hit on her. There's a flash of blue, and while Sakura's punch was impressive, his is on a whole another level, sending her flying into the doors of the room.

“That was fast.” Whistles Sai, craning his neck to see where she had landed. One of the doors has fallen of his hinges, and most of the wall is missing on that side.

“I don't think she's getting up from that one.”

“That was the intention.” Quips in Shikamaru, sitting down next to Sakura, who immediately gives him a hug.

“Good idea. They were trouble.” Shin pats his knee, turning to watch Kiba gloat and ramble while Naruto looks around, bored out of his mind. Then Kiba says something biting, and Naruto snaps his gaze back at him, eyes narrowing, and Sakura can feel Shikamaru stiffen besides her. It's and impressive display, she has to agree. The blond steps forward, kunai breezing past the other's ear. He's hunting this prey, giving the spectators a show worthy of watching. He walks over to them with a wild look in his eyes, and Sai is certain that they will not see either him or their dad for a while after this.

Hinata has Sai's other teammate opting out with a glare, and they laugh at her effectiveness. They don't talk about the fat, that her eyes might have a blue tint to them, or that her hair shines purple when the light hits it in a certain way. They don't have any more reasons to stay, but they watch the next matches nevertheless.

* * *

Temari was wondering around Konoha, trying to familiarize herself with it's layout, when she saw that familiar head of blond hair in front of her. There was a dark pony-tail moving alongside him, and if her memory served her right, that must have been the kid who punched that girl from Otogakure into the door. Those two might have been the strongest competitors in the exams, and an even bigger obstacle when it came to their invasion.

Looking around to see any other tails, she took to the roofs to follow them. Maybe she could find some more intel about them this way. They were nearing the gates when the blond ran ahead with a loud “Dad!”, running up to hug the tall man waiting for them. She couldn't feel any form of chakra signature, but he still put her at unease.

“Spying on my boys, are we?” A female purred behind her, and she wiped around, hand moving to her fan. The stranger had glowing blue eyes, and it must have been a trick of the light, because her pupils looked like a cat's. “I wouldn't do it if I were you, Princess.”

Blood red lips stretched into a predatory smirk, and Temari wanted to wipe it off her face. The other woman straightened up, running a hand across a blue kimono robe she wore over a white top and black shorts.

“I'll let you off with a warning this time, kiddo. But if any of us catch you spying again, your Daddy will get you back in a matchbox. Understood?” _Oh fuck._ This was the woman who scared their father into running back home. Her eyes widened, trying to scramble backwards, but a heeled foot stepped onto her sash, leaning forward again. ”Do use your words dear, or I'll have to scold your daddy again for not raising you right.”

“Understood, Ma'am.” She ground out, and the woman gave her a smile, patting her on the head. When she stepped back, her eyes turned to violet, the purple streaks in her hair dissolving into brown.

“That's a good girl.” She stepped by her, jumping down onto the streets.

Temari scrambled after her, watching her saunter off towards the gate. She gave both boys a hug, kissed the man, then turned to ask the Nara heir something. When the boy nodded, she jumped in excitement, and turned to wave at the other two. The Nara followed her example, both disappearing after that. The man and the Uzumaki kid just shrugged their shoulders, they too disappearing after a shared smile.

“Where had that threatening attitude gone? Why did she look like a completely different woman?” But no one was there to answer her, and she just slumped back against the tiles, the adrenaline finally leaving her. She was scared. And a small part of her brain, that may have escaped the rush of fear that encounter left her in, has found both of the adults hot. Later, when she was making out with a random civilian girl in a club to the sound of Shin cheering them on, she'd call this day her awakening.


	20. The Chūnin Exams, pt 2(featuring scary kids)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last part of the exams and the Konoha Crush, wherein Naruto makes a new friend and gets made fun off.

“Do you think I'll win this?” She had to dodge the bag of flour thrown onto her direction.

“I think you'll fucking crush it. And we'll be there to rub it into that asshole's face.” Her mother shrugged, going back to making the spaghetti. They had gotten back home a week ago, just to train with the rest of their children. Hinata straightened up, eyes wide and face pale. “You'll have to show them that the prettiest flowers can be the deadliest. Who better to beat some sense into that backwards bunch than you? And no matter what happens, you'll still be our daughter. We are proud of you, even if you decide to back out.”

* * *

“Fate's bitch against Hinata?” Sai leaned forward, trying to find Hiashi and Hanabi among the crowd. “Do you think we'll have to pick the old asshole's jaw off the floor today?”

“We'd have bigger luck extracting the pole from his ass.” Shin joined him, followed soon by Naruto. “At least this will break Hanabi's belief.”

“Finally. I was_ this_ close to taking her home with us.”

“That might have been a bit too extreme, Naruto. Do you think Mum threatened her?” He motioned towards Temari's direction. The blonde was standing with her siblings, shooting vary glances in their parent's direction.

“They encountered each other when we were leaving the village. And I think I might have seen her hide behind a stall when Dad was chasing the Pervert.” He looked back with narrowed eyes, his brothers following his direction. A battered-looking Sasuke was dragged in by a Kakashi looking done with existing. He dropped their teammate unceremoniously into the nearest seat available, giving them a thumbs up, then stalked off towards their parents.

“Looks like Kakashi put him through Hell.”

“Deserved it.” Sakura mumbled, turning to watch the starting match. Hinata sauntered into the stage, head held high and hands on her hips. Neji looked slightly uncomfortable, his stand rigid.

“Why do you look so confident? You're only a failure who wasn't even brave enough to stay with us.”

“Big words from a glorified lap-dog. Do you bark on command? Or all they have to do is snap their fingers, and you're at the ready?” She leaned forward, glaring at him.

“How is he not on fire?” Shikamaru appeared near them, while the siblings and Sakura were cheering for her diss.

“Do you only talk? Or can you actually fight too now?”

“What? Do you want me to give you lessons? Or do you want your ass handed to you so badly?” She reached into her pouch and withdrew a kunai. “Be my fucking guest.”

At first, they were evenly matched. They both started off using Hyuuga techniques, but as soon as Hinata's training kicked in, it became plainly obvious that she was winning. As much as he was trying to keep up with her, she was too fast. She was going for his lower half instead of the more dangerous upper, and every so often she'd punch at his head. Eventually, she was done with her game and ended the match with an uppercut. Hinata looked catwalk ready, while Neji was left a whimpering mess on the ground. And Hiashi looked ready to faint, mouth slightly open and eyes wide.

“Fuck yeah! That's our Hinata!” “You go, bitch!” Hollered the exam-taking siblings at the same time, Hinata turning towards them with a smirk, and flipping of Shin for his cheers.

* * *

Sakura went up against Sai, the match ending in a draw, while Sasuke, as much as Kakashi pushed him during his training, lost to Shin, who had multiple years of spartan training under his belt. And Shino's opponent bowed out of the match, leaving the stage open to Shikamaru and Temari, who paled immediately when the match was announced.

She jumped into the arena, trying to act bold, but they all could see her shaking softly. Shikamaru landed on a rock formation left behind from the first match, the thought _He fucking looks like Mum_ passing through every sibling's head.

“You smell scared.” He told her, face blank. She froze. The option of opting out seemed appealing, but it would have been suspicious for two of them to opt-out.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” He shrugged at that, jumping down onto the ground and straightening up.

“Just don't make this troublesome.” He was moving before she could notice, and only the gut feeling to jump to the left saved her from his punch. As she had expected, the fight was pretty much one-sided. He was too fast for her, seemingly appearing and into thin air.

* * *

“You owe me.” Anko motioned for Yamato to pay up. The last match of the first round was Naruto against Gaara. Yamato sighed, digging around his pocket to find his wallet while Kakashi and Iruka also exchanged money, the younger one patting the Jounin sympathetically on the back.

Meanwhile, the other kids were also collecting their winnings. Shikamaru and Hinata were the lucky ones, while Ino was telling Sakura she had a chance of winning when Naruto beat the Suna nin.

“Speaking about beatings, what are we going to do with that situation?” Shin leaned back into his seat, tilting his head towards the Hokage's seats.

“Mum said this will be a good cover for a sudden heart attack.” Hinata ducked under a sudden boulder, that Kida did not notice in time. “OI! Kill the audience and I'll skin you and leave you on an anthill!” The fighting came to a screeching halt at that, Naruto dropping to his knees in his haste to apologize. “Thought so.”

“The Kazekage would have been truly stupid to keep up with his plans.”

“And I think old age is finally catching up with that scaly piece of erectile dysfunction.” Added Shin, stealing a chip from Chouji. 

“I mean, free love and all that shit is a thing, but so is age.” Sakura absentmindedly told them, not noticing the siblings stiffen and share murderous glances.

“And so is a knife.” Muttered Shikamaru, eyes on the fight.

“Hey, Shikamaru. Can you pull people through now? We could pull in Uncle Dave in here and end things in 10 minutes.” Shin asked, flopping down into Hinata's lap. “You were pretty good at jumping back down there.”

“Nah, it would be too troublesome. Aunty barely let me use the empty dimension for that match.”

“And we don't want to anger your Mom by being reckless.” Chouji finally joined the conversation, his chips finished.

Meanwhile, Naruto had finally managed to annoy Gaara into letting Shukaku, smashing down one of the walls of the stadium.

“TOLD YOU JACKASS!” Hollered Hinata, just as everybody around them began to drop. The siblings and Shikamaru started to sway, while a faintly glowing Naruto was leading the Ichibi away from the village. However, they did not fall asleep, all of their eyes flashing bright blue, Luca's fallback plan kicking into action. After the Land of Tea disaster, she had mixed some of her blood into their drinks, telling them it would only activate if the situation got too dangerous for them to handle.

* * *

“Everybody alright?” Asked Alex as soon as the family regrouped in the ruined arena.

“Still alive and in one piece. What's the plan?” Hinata told him, taking up the position of leader between the younger ones.

“You, Sai and Shikamaru go after your brother and the Sand siblings. Take care of them. Iruka, you have to find the Toad-Pervert and take him to the front-line, where you'll join Shin, Yamato, Kakashi and Anko. And we'll take care of the geriatric conference over there. Anko, did you finish it?” Said girl nodded, tossing a kunai at her mother.

“The seals will make his arms useless, and while they're busy dealing with that problem, the poison will slowly destroy him from the inside.”

“That's our girl.” Her father nodded along to her explanation, making her beam with joy.

“Did you understand your orders?” Luca asked, stashing away the poisoned kunai in her sleeve. “Good. Make sure we deal a significant hit to them and return alive. Now, go!” They turned around, disappearing into four different directions.

Their plan worked like clockwork. The siblings on the battlefield were some of the most fearsome Shinobi out there, while the younger ones and Shikamaru managed to beat to of the Sand siblings into submission, while Naruto talked Gaara back from his transformation, also inviting him over for dinner. Meanwhile, under the supervision of Alex, Luca orchestrated the sudden heart attack of the Sandaime Hokage, stabbed Orochimaru in his hand, while also letting some of her anger out on him.

* * *

When the group that went after the Ichibi finally got home, they found the rest of the family sat around the dining table, deep in discussion. They gave a brief report on what had happened with them, then joined the rest of the group, each grabbing a drink when they sat down.

“Orochimaru used a technique called 'Edo Tensei', which, by the looks of it, can bring back the dead. Essentially, it's necromancy, but the puppets can be cut off from the master.”

“Which on its own wouldn't be worrying, but the fact that it even exists makes me wonder what else is out there. Besides your father, I only know one person who can bring back the dead, and he's not stepping into the universe any time soon.”

“So, no bringing Gaara around uncle Dave.”

“But I wanted to show Gaara how cool Uncle is.” Naruto whined, crossing his arms in indignation.

“He'd call you out for collecting broken friends to fix them for your liking later.” Shin told him, ducking when the kid threw his juice box at him.

“I do not!”

“You do! You tried to kidnap the Uchiha kid when you were seven, remember? And later Shino, that kid who randomly walked into you when you were ten, Hanabi and now Konohamaru!” Sai fired off, and Naruto groaned. He was just trying to help!

“At least you would have bought them home when they could use the potty on their own.” Their mom sighed, rubbing her temple while their dad let out a loud laugh. “That famous first bath will never be repeated. We are not bathing your kids until they can listen to basic commands.”

“And I can't wait to tell your future partner all about that.”


	21. What not to do when you have guests over, and the father is protective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring an alternative ending to the war, where they use Yamato's absence for their advantage. And by 'they', I mean Kakashi and Naruto.

“Are you sure about this?” Kankuro looked at the four maybe-Chunin in front of them. They were standing in front of a random bar in one of the busier streets of Konoha, the sign above the door proudly proclaiming that the establishment was called_ Mirage_.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” The kid who identified himself as Sai told them, placing a hand onto the doorknob. “Mum gave out specific orders, and one does not go against her.” The rest nodded along, pushing them into the bar and even deeper, up a set of stairs and into a spacious living room.

“We've got guests!” The girl yelled, and suddenly a whole horde of shinobi appeared in the room. A man with a pony-tail and a scar on his face appeared from the window, followed by a purple-haired woman. A silver-haired Jounin walked out from one of the hallways, reading an Icha-Icha book, another brown-haired man in his wake, also reading a book. A tall man seemingly materialized out of thin air onto the couch and a curly-haired woman appeared in what looked like the kitchen doorway, wiping her hands in her apron. And when he thought they were done coming into the room, the blond's pink-haired teammate and the pony-tail kid walked in from another hallway.

"Finally! I'm starving. Aunty, what's for dinner?” The pink-haired girl exclaimed, dropping down onto the couch gracelessly onto one of the couches.

“Chicken curry, baked lamb samosas and chocolate-mint coconut milk ice cream.” The younger kids cheered, and the woman and the man welcomed them in their house, introducing themselves, and having each kid stand in a line with a swift glare.

“Hatake Kakashi,”_ The White Fang's son...fuck Chiyo is going to kill us_.

“Mitarashi Anko,”

“Umino Iruka,”

“Seise Yamato,”

“And you already met us, but I'm Hinata, whitey over there is Shin, the one with the creepy smile is Sai, the walking ray of sunshine is Naruto, doll-face is Sakura and pineapple-head is Shikamaru.” All of them introduced themselves with a slight bow, then tuned towards their parents with waiting looks.

“Fineeee. You guys hungry?”

“We were promised dinner.” Gaara finally spoke up, looking ready to bolt.

“Be ready to fight for food. They might look civilized now, but ten minutes from now, they'll be at each other's throat for the last samosa.” Alex told them with a grin, motioning for one of the doors near the kitchen.

* * *

Turns out, they really needed to fight for food. Gaara got seated near Luca, escaping the madness that descended the rest of the kids. Yamato looked ready to embrace death, Hinata had a manic gleam in her eyes while Naruto looked contemplative, and Shikamaru already stole food of Iruka's plate while Kakashi piled as much food on his plate as he could, stealing some from Kankoro's plate. Temari and Sakura decided to team up, almost stabbing Shin in the hand with a spoon, and Anko was pulling out random vials from her pockets.

“Is this normal?” Gaara asked Luca, pulling his plate away from a sudden knife embedding itself into the table.

“Pretty much. They know to not main the others permanently and that they have to clean up the messes they make after.” She shrugged, offering him some more vegetables. “How's your passenger?”

“He's really quiet.” He told her, ducking out of the way of a fork Kankuro threw at Kakashi and missed.

“No permanent maiming!” Alex barked at the middle sibling, who paled at the tone of the man. He nodded, accepting another fork from a hand appearing out of nowhere. A random floating that was not connected to anything.

All of the fighting froze when he started screaming, falling backwards in his haste to get away from it. He tried dispelling the illusion of the hand, but it was still floating there, waving at him. Temari also backed away from the table, knife raised defensively in front of her, while Gaara froze, fork halfway to his mouth.

“Mom! Stop scaring them.” Iruka told Luca, the first one to recover from snickering uncontrollably. In response, she raised up an arm, her hand missing. At the same time, the hand also moved, following the exact same movement as her arm when she waved. Naruto moved to calm down Gaara, Shin jumped up to do the same with Temari, while Hinata knelt down next to Kankuro, poking him in the side to switch his attention over to her.

“I'm sorry we didn't tell you guys about Mum before.” She told him, catching his fist with ease. “She tends to do it without even noticing.” She shrugged, poking him again when he started spacing out again.

“What is she?!” His voice sounded shrill, and Hinata sighed, standing up.

“Think of it as a Kekkei Genkai. She can move all of her body parts separately from her torso. Makes fighting her almost impossible.”

“And this is...normal?”

“Absolutely. Do you need a moment to process it, or are you joining us again at the table? No more surprises.” Addressing it more towards her family than towards him. Kankuro nodded, grabbing her extended hand and standing up, joining the table again with his siblings.

* * *

_ No more surprises_. But there was a purple blur between his fellow Shinobi, moving faster than anything he'd ever seen. That family was out of this world.

* * *

Kakashi stared at the apparently alive Obito, trying to decide if just turning around and returning to the village was a good idea. All of the Hokage were there on the battlefield, and judging by the smaller explosions rocking the earth beneath them, his mother was having the time of his life. But he had a brother missing, and he was damned if he let something happen to Yamato too. And Obito was opening his mouth to speak, no doubt to tell him all of his wrongs.

“Before you say anything that might destroy Mum's hard work that took years, we had no idea you could be saved, Rin was more like an assisted suicide and Sensei decided that sacrificing himself for the good of the village was apparently in, so don't blame me for any of that.”

“Wait, 'Mum'?”

“I got adopted.” He shrugged, pulling out a kunai and pushing it against his old teammate's throat.

“How?” Obito uttered, taken aback by his unexpected speed.

“I also got better training. You smell foul. Like those thing walking around. So I'm going to interrogate you without your shadow.” The markings on the weapon glowed golden, and he pinned Obito by his shoulder to the ground. “That's better. Tell me, where's my brother? Kid has brown hair and Wood-release. Better answer, or you'll have a god on your ass. And it ain't pretty.”

To emphasize his point, a flaming spear sliced through the air above them, everything setting aflame in its wake.

“Need any help?” Naruto and his Sensei also joined them, the kid glowing bright with the Kyuubi's chakra cloaking him.

“Nah. I was just threatening him with making him face Dad when he's angry.”

“Do the eyes too. I heard they are pretty scary.”

“Good point.” He turned back towards Obito, eyes changing into glowing blue, his pupils turning catlike. “Again, Obito. Where is my brother?”

“Zetsu took him. They are using him to make clones...” With a punch, his informant was out like a light, and he turned back towards Naruto, who already had a clone made.

“Find Dad and tell him they have Yamato, and that they forced him to multiply their numbers.”

Five minutes later, they could consider the war won. When a golden dome erupted around them again, at least the Konoha shinobi knew to stop fighting, and the rest followed their example, watching in awe as a flaming giant with the head of a bird attacked their enemy without abandon. Luckily for them, Horus developed a protective that even Lucifer didn't posses.


	22. How to get a new Hokage and keep people around you sane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In where Tsunade is baited back to the village by hot men and science. And Sasuke sets off to join Orochimaru, who is only mentioned here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this, I consider the original Naruto series finished. In the next chapter, which will be told from Luca's perspective, we'll see Naruto leave. And in the chapter after that, my first 'What if...' parts will be finished. And the other one has its own fic now, which is also at its end.

“Do you have everything?”

“Yes, Mum. Even a bat for when the pervert is being troublesome.”

“A metallic one, I hope.”

“With spikes.” He beamed at his mother, who was fussing around him, even though they were only going after Tsunade with Jiraiya. Who paled when he heard their discussion.

“That's my boy. And the pillows?”

“Yep. Seriously, Mum, I have everything I'd need. Even pepper-spray.”

* * *

The first lesson his father had ever thought him was “_Pick your battles wisely_”, and he took it too heart. So when he got left alone with the Akatsuki on the other side of the door, he ran like he had just broken one of his mother's heirloom vases. However, Sasuke, who somehow found out his brother was hunting his teammate was not so lucky. Maybe he should have used the spray.

Luckily for them, they still had their stuff packed, so nothing was lost to their sudden visitors.

* * *

“I should really teach you something, huh?” They were three towns away from the hotel they got visited in.

“No, duh. May I suggest the 'Rasengan'?”

“Of course you know about it. Didn't Kakashi teach you that?”

“Nope. He said something along the lines of '_I want it to be a bonding experience between you and his Sensei_', the fucked off to bother Iruka until he got his ass kicked. And besides, you can only teach me that, Senjutsu and Fuinjutsu. Dad is a slave-driver when it comes to training.” He shuddered, remembering the empty, swampy dimension he was dropped into on said man's orders with a curt 'survive for a week, then we'll get you'. His mother had pulled him back directly into the filled bathtub, glaring daggers at Alex.

* * *

They find Tsunade in a bar three weeks after leaving the village. She's drinking alone, her assistant missing, so Naruto just walks up to her, greeting the Senju like he already knows her.

“Brat! What are you doing here? And with **him**.”

“Hello there, Hime! Looking perky as always!” That earned his 'master' a punch, and while Naruto knew she was the best when it came to healing and was famous for her fighting-skills, he was impressed.

“You are my new hero, Tsunade-hime.” He told her, earning a laugh and a 'what do you want?'.

“Dad sent me to make sure the Council and Shikaku-san don't make him Hokage.” Partly true. The Council would not make Alex Hokage, the older Nara on the other hand...

“They want me to replace Sensei?”

“So Orochimaru got here before us?”

“I'm guessing the poison came from your family, didn't it?”

“Anko's special design. A special blend just for her Sensei.” He smirked at her, pulling out the scroll containing Luca's special bribe. Tailor-made just for Tsunade and with a little bonus thrown in. “To make the deal sweeter.”

“Pillows?” She opened the scroll, reading the note hidden in it. “Oooh. Where did she find the one with Minato-kun?”

“Kushina-kaa-san had it stored away in a sealed box. None of us wanted it, so you can have it. With conditions, of course.” She nodded, reading over the rest of the note. Then she lit up like she had just won an unlimited supply of sake. “In full regalia? You mean that flimsy white thing they tie around their waist and covered in gold?”

“Yep. And I think the other one is in a skin-tight black tank-top. While also wet or in water. They are the only ones existing, and they are life-sized. And he also agreed to show you his collection of medical texts.”

“I'm in.”

“Wait...just for a couple of body-pillows and books?” Jiraiya came back to them just in time to hear her agree. Over what seemed trivial to him.

“Have you seen his old man? And do you have any idea how many things that hot piece of ass knows about?”

“Thanks for objectifying Dad, Baa-chan.” He deadpanned, kicking Jiraiya in the shin when he opened his mouth to say something more. “By the way, Iruka-nii says _hi_.”

* * *

“If I may have a suggestion, Tsunade-sama.” Alex piped up, gathering the attention of all of the Shinobi in the room. He should have never been in the same room as them, but his family was influential, even though they were not blood-related.

“We'll hear you out, Alex.”

“Make it look like a mission issued directly by you. Send a group after him, saying that they were his escorts to the meeting point. However, the Sound Four ambushed them, believing the Uchiha heir would not leave them willingly. So Sasuke was forced to continue without them, deciding that gaining as much knowledge for the good of the village was the best option for them.”

“And who do you suggest we send as his 'escorts'?”

“Nara Shikamaru, a genius strategist who was trained by my wife. Akamichi Chouji, second strongest after my son. Inuzuka Kiba, the best tracker of their group. Hyuuga Neji, who jumped at the chance to redeem himself among his peers and to get away from his family. And finally, my son, Uzumaki Naruto, the stealthiest one of the lot, who will be able to get Sasuke to understand his role.”

* * *

“Just let me go, Dobe. You'll only make me weaker.” The last Uchiha sneered at Konoha's last Uzumaki, who sat down with a shrug, pulling out a scroll.

“I just wanted to give you this. Orders from the Hokage to infiltrate Oto and gain as much information and knowledge from Orochimaru as you can. After that, your next mission will be tying up a loose end called 'Itachi', after which you'll be free to return.”

“That's...not what I expected. Are you not going to yell at me for choosing power over loyalty or some bullshit like that?” He also sat down, the scroll landing at his feet.

“That would be hypocritical coming from me. My parents destroyed an entire organization of assassins from the inside because they killed their family, after all. And there's also that 'Land of Tea Massacre' from a few years ago too.” He looked deep in thought, and a sudden wave of killing intent hitting the Valley. Sasuke had only felt it once before, just before Orochimaru had approached him in the Forest of Death. “Look, I get your need for revenge. My whole family does. And since Shikaku-san and Tsunade-baa-chan will listen to any advice and suggestions my parents give them, it was easy to wrangle that out. We'll be saving face, both for the Village and you. There will be no 'Last Uchiha crazed in the hunt for power' if we can help it.”

“What if I refuse?”

“Then I'll just have to convince you the hard way.” The blond smiled at him, eyes glowing orange, killing intent emanating from him. The air around the became scorching, and Sasuke felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. Instead of fighting it, he picked up the scroll, standing up to leave, trying to get away from the deranged blond as fast as he could.

“Have a nice mission, Sasuke-teme.”

* * *

He rushes back towards where he felt the KI come from. There are only two people who could release that level of killing intent, and he was pretty sure his mother was still in the village. He stopped on a branch when the stench of blood hit him, freezing when he saw Shikamaru attack Temari, hands covered in blood.

Naruto jumps between them without really thinking. He knows that once they get angered into that state, only his dad or he could stop his Mum or Shikamaru in their rampage. And he's not willing to wait for his father to show up while there's a crazed killer on the loose. He caught the clawed arms trying to strangle him, pulling the feral Shinobi close to him and letting his aura envelop them.

His shoulder ached where Shikamaru bit into him, trying to rip his arm off, but his struggling slowed down, movement becoming sluggish.

“That's it, 'ttebayo.” He whispered into unhearing ears, wincing when Shikamaru tried to bite him again. “Calm down, Shikamaru.”

He feels his Mum appearing in front of them, Temari letting out a frightened squeak. There's a glowing blue hand on Shikamaru's head, and the boy drops like his strings had been cut. There's a dull ache in his shoulder, and he hopes it won't scar because Shikamaru will drown himself in guilt.

“It's okay. I'm here now.” His mother tells him, and he nods, falling to his knees.


	23. Lucifer, pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They run across dimensions like chasing butterflies, doing things for their own good more often than helping out in the great conflicts around them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this your warning. This chapter contains allusions to animalistic sex, almost body-worship, and Lucifer sacrificing an army and a whole city to bring back Horus.

Luca feels drained. She's watching over Shikamaru in the hospital, and she could barely keep herself together and still, even with Horus standing just outside the door. Something brushed against her hand, and she locked eyes with Nero, the dog shifting into her current version, and she understood. With a shaky nod, she let herself fall back into the dimension of her mind, landing in front of another version of her.

She fell to her knees, staring at the chained beast snarling at her. They had decided to lock her up when they had started adopting kids, but the Madness still managed to break free time and time again. Just like this time. They stared at each other, dull violet meeting angry blue, and the original began crying. Who were they kidding? They were a monster puppeting around an almost dead body, trying to act like a human. And they almost pulled an innocent kid into this.

* * *

Over the years, as much as they wanted to become independent, they had grown dependent on each other. They anchor each other, knowing they could fall back onto the other without a second question.

So, when she's drawn into a random dimension, and end up separated, she panics. _'I'll find you wherever you are_' was promised between them, but she still wants to run, to find him and never let go of him ever again. However, she knew, that if she stood in one place, he'd find her too. And there were children who needed her attention.

Minerva McGonagall was a powerful witch in her late fifties. She would have lived over a hundred years if the floor had not given out under her one Halloween when Hogwarts was attacked by a troll. She couldn't get away from a falling beam, and Lucifer got pulled into her dimension.

She wakes up in a body far older than hers, people yelling around her and rocks covering her. She shifts, changing back to her original age. She keeps the height, though, even if Horus will laugh at her. There's an old man with a long-ass beard staring at her, mouth agape, with what looks like an entire school's worth of children behind him.

“Minerva?” She freezes, memories still streaming through her consciousness. Then she starts cursing. Back, in the dimension where they separated, there was a cartoon with wizards in it. And she's living in that fucking cartoon now.

“The destruction activated something, Albus.” She tells him, changing her voice to something that would resemble the original's younger one. “A long lost experiment of Ravenclaw's, maybe. I could feel its magic running through me.” They lock eyes, as she walks closer to him, and she reorganizes his mind, making him fight for her stay there.

* * *

Two years after she takes the place of the Transfiguration Professor, there's a disturbance in the wards. A Muggle is approaching the castle during lunch, and she's jumping over tables before the Headmaster can even begin alerting their colleagues. He's here. She can feel the castle welcome him, bending in front of his divine fire, and in her excitement, she forgets she can jump through dimensions.

They meet at the half-point, and she jumps at him, both of them crying into their embrace. She introduces him as her husband, laughing when some of the kids groan and glare at him in jealousy, then she tells them that her classes are cancelled for the rest of the day, sharing a smile with Horus. It's been far too long since they'd been together.

* * *

She takes him on a tour of the castle, chatting with every kid they meet on the way. It's pleasant, even idyllic in a way, however, as she seals the door of her office shut, it changes in the blink of an eye.

Stone cracks when he slams her into a wall, talons tearing her robe apart. With a growl, she kicks him into the opposite one, and she briefly feels pity for Lupin, who's on the other side. However, she's sinking her teeth into her husband's neck before she could fully think it through.

They tear off their clothes in wild bouts of aggression, and her desk is broken and covered in blood by the time she has Alex pinned to the ground, both of them naked. She has her tail wrapped around his legs, binding them together, while he has his talons run down her back, breaking skin and muscle. They come together like natural disasters and rolling around the floor like they couldn't be bound by anything. She has no idea who is in who, consumed by desire and want.

* * *

They garner weird and worried looks when they appear at dinner, bruises and cuts red and barely healed all over their skin. Remus is blushing like mad besides Alex, trying to focus on his plate, while Albus is commenting cheerily on their reunion. After dinner, when they go to her chambers, and their second round is much more loving than the first. There's no broken furniture or bones, just searing kisses and soft touches. They almost worship each other, bathed in the soft yellow light of the candles, Luca's curls shielding them from the outside world, free of the bun she put it up before.

* * *

She's grading the fifth year essay's while Alex is working on developing a cure for long-term Cruciatus exposure, one cloudy afternoon, two years later. Both of them were slowly growing restless, longing to travel again.

Luca corrects a glaring mistake, huffing when one of the little beasts posing as students thought that the Animagus transformation required doing unsavoury things with the person's chosen animal._ Where were these kids getting their information from?_ She needed to talk with Madam Pince.

“Why don't we ditch this place?” Alex pipes up when she's trying to not bang her head against the table. Freezing, she looks up, but Horus is mesmerized in his work, not looking at her. She puts down her quill, searching across dimensions for a pair to replace them. She stands up when she finds one, a pair who wanted to stay in a dimension similar to the one they were in. However, that one went up in flames, and that Horus and Lucifer were left fighting for the few survivors there.

“Where to, my good sir?” He laughs, placing down his book onto the table in front of him and lacing their fingers together.

“Where my dear wife feels like.”

* * *

They run across dimensions like chasing butterflies, doing things for their own good more often than helping out in the great conflicts around them.

They become space pirates, after Luca calms down from rolling around the floor in laughter, in one dimension. They mentor a kid who is not entirely human before they leave Earth, and somehow, he finds them years later, landing in front of them in a ship looking like a black lion with wings. He pleads for their help, dragging along another boy, knocked out with white bangs falling into a pained expression.

“_Please...Help him. Something's wrong with him_.” She jumps into his mind without a second question, pulling and pushing memories into their right place, and destroying tendrils of control that did not belong to the original configuration. And after that she was pulled somewhere else, the lion guarding over the empty landscape around them. Luca grabs the other version of the boy her little apprentice brought along.

She comes back to the boy clutching her in tears, the other kid slowly waking up. They stick along long enough to see them achieve peace and see Keith take control of a whole empire before leaving, proud that they had left behind a man strong enough to lead the universe into a new era.

* * *

Two jumps later, they are in an universe so similar to the one they got married in, they feel like they'd find the druid that united them just in the next forest over. They are aware, that there's a war going on around them, and they try to help out the innocent where they can while they travel.

However, her world comes crashing down around her with one simple spell. They are in the wrong place at the wrong time when an army starts attacking the city, and a sorceress casts a spell. “_If you want to harness chaos, you must give something in return_” comes true, the spell latching onto one of the strongest sources of power in the area. Alex falls into her arms, body burnt and lifeless, and it feels like the rug got pulled from under her.

Luca screams, her anger and sorrow running wild across her veins and consuming her mind. He's gone. He's dead. He won't come back if she heals the body. And she doesn't want any other version of him inhabiting this body. This is her husband, and no one will be able to replace him.

She doesn't feel the arrows impacting into her back, or see the glowing blue streaks of blood forming seals around them, enveloping the whole burning city around them. With a soft pop, the lines unite, and she looks up, face a mask of desperation. She's vaguely aware of them taking a couple of people away from the city. They were important, needed in fulfilling the fate of this dimension, but the rest, the rest were expendable. They could be sacrificed. They were just background characters, with the sole purpose of only existing.

She looks down at the body in her arms, healed from its exposure to her blood, and her decision is made. With a whispered prayer, the summoning circle blazes blue, the erupts in flames, burning the city around them. Then the flames start pulling back towards them, satisfied by the sacrifice she offered them, and she has to let go of her husband's body for them to gather around him.

“Luca!” He bolts up hours later when the sun has risen over the ash and ruins surrounding them. She can hear the people she had saved from the summoning search at the edge of the destruction for survivors, but her focus is on her husband. Who's alive and breathing and is not some other person from a different dimension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fandoms, or in this case dimensions, they cross through are Harry Potter, Voltron and The Witcher. (Guess who got watched it until the first twenty minutes of ep 4 before her connection got fucked! Thanks to the weather for making me go to sleep in time. No. I'm not salty.)


	24. What if...See through my eyes, pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the dust clears, only one beast will stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to the deadline for my Bachelor's thesis approaching, I have limited free time, so apologies in advance for shorter chapters or not posting at all. But due to the fact that I have so many ideas and I love entertaining people, you can now contact me on Tumblr (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/stilldontcareaboutmyname)! Ask about the plot of my fics and other things at you wish to know about, and read random snippets I come up on the fly. I'd love to share more with all of you!

“How's the hero doing?” He sits down next to Naruto's bed, leg fully healed. Lucifer settles down near the door, ready to alert him of anyone approaching. He wants to share his story with someone, and they had both agreed that Naruto would be the best person.

“I feel fine, but Sakura bullied me into staying down, ya'know?” He scratched his head sheepishly, blue eyes closed. “How's your leg? I heard it got broken.”

“All healed now. I think I got off easy.” Lucifer snorted, mumbling something along the lines of dumb kids in winter. “Could I maybe talk to you about something really troublesome?”

“How troublesome?”

“Maybe even bigger than your furry little problem. It's connected to our fight with Hidan and Kakuzu.” Naruto blinks sluggishly at him, clearly trying to remember what he meant by that. Before the dust had settled, Lucifer swiped in, changing his teammate's memories._ The mind is just another dimension_. She had told him that multiple times.

“Is it about the destruction?” He nods, trying to gather his thoughts.

“When I was seven, I tried running away from training. We were on our grounds, so I took to the forest, avoiding the deer. It was in January and it had been snowing for a week. It still was. I slipped, fell into a ditch and hit my head on the way down. When I woke up, I wasn't alone.” He stops to stare at Lucifer, who smiles back lazily. She's a little fainter than he remembers her to have been. “There was a woman with purple and pink hair pacing in front of me, and I could see the trees behind her. She got me to stand and walk back into safety even though the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. And I thought that I wouldn't see her anymore. But she didn't disappear. She was with me during all those years and now she's guarding the door.” He chuckles when Naruto automatically looks at the door. Lucifer flips him the bird and also flashes him. He shakes his head but takes the opportunity to morph into her.

“And why is that woman important?” He's still staring at the door, not noticing the change in his companion.

“Because we were meant to be the same person. She and I.” His voice is hers too, so Naruto snaps his head back to him, only to fall back in shock.

“Who the hell are...Shikamaru?! How the fuck did you do that? Is that a henge?” He laughs at him, pushing back curly purple hair from his shoulder and changing back his face. His back is beginning to ache from the added weight to his front.

“It's not a henge. It's nothing related to chakra.” He slowly changes back to male, and Naruto slowly lowers his guard. “This is what being Lucifer means. You may have a monster sealed away inside of you, but I have a monster inside my head and running through my veins.”

He tells him. He tells him about Lucifer and their switches and Horus and why in the name of the gods is he crying? Naruto is there to clumsily comfort him, hands running down his back and finally, finally, he can feel their weight and warmth and not random shocks of electricity when she touches him.

* * *

His father is dead and even though Naruto is there to be their strongest fighter, he still feels like they are fighting a losing battle. His father is dead and he will have to tell his mother, he'll have to see the light dim in her face and shadows creep onto it. He'll have to be strong for the both of them, and he feels crushed.

He fell to his knees, gasping for air, Lucifer appearing in front of him, blurry at the edges. For the first time in his life, she looked scared.

“I think it's time.” She sounded like she was speaking from underwater, voice distorted and wavering. His thought process came to a screeching halt, his world zeroing onto her eyes.

She wanted him to say no. To refuse the offer to merge and continue on living like before. But they both knew that would never happen again. Instead, he reached out, vaguely aware that his teammates were staring at him. He had to protect them from what was coming, what had scared Lucifer into wanting to unite.

“At least I won't lose you too.”

“I'll always be with you, kid.” And with that, she was gone, and Shikamaru was overwhelmed.

At first, it felt like finally regaining feeling in one of his limbs. Then, all of the emotions she had been holding back crashed into him. He didn't notice Ino shaking him or Chouji trying to get him to talk. Neither did he feels his nails digging into his skull or his teeth ruining his bottom lip. He stood up, limbs aching, and started walking towards the Ten-Tails. The bright beacon of Naruto, _of Horus_, was drawing him in like a moth to the flame, and he now understood her fascination with the man.

* * *

Naruto was to first to spot him, looking shocked at his appearance. His uniform was hanging in tatters from his arms, bleeding scratches running bone-deep across all visible surfaces and unseeing bright blue eyes making him look like a zombie.

“Shikamaru...what did you do?” He was in front of him in an instant, and Shikamaru needed a moment to make his mouth work properly.

“I released the monster.” His voice sounded like he had gargled gravel, neck destroyed from his scratching. “If we want to survive..” T_hen sacrifices must be made_. “Take down Madara and don't stand in my way. I can barely keep **it** at bay.” Something in his expression must have convinced the blond, because he was moving out of his way and taking the Yondaime and Kakashi with him. How ironic. When Naruto finally got to meet and fight beside his father, he lost his while being miles apart.

The madness running across his veins only got stronger, and the itching under his skin didn't want to disappear, no matter how much he was scratching himself. He felt Sasuke approach the beast, and for a moment, he entertained the idea of just letting thing unfold without him and let the traitor be crushed by the beast. But that would hurt Horus, who put to much effort into the boy, so the option was out. With a sigh, he took one step closer to the massive thing in front of him, only to fall flat on his face, legs giving out. He let go completely, succumbing to the madness and letting the change take its course, blue light shining from his wounds. His body shuddered, then the light extended from him, consuming him and forming the giant that was the closest thing he had to his original form. Now, he was truly Lucifer.


End file.
